Too Soon To Marry?

6 comments | March 15th, 2012

(story submitted by Kristina, a Chestist)

Sometimes we get what we think we've always wanted only to find out maybe it's not what we want now.  Here's her story:

I'm engaged to a loving, wonderful man. But I find myself thinking about a friend of mine an awful lot. 

I wonder if I'm not in love with my fiance..or if it's my insecurity about myself. Am I really marrying someone I don't love….or do I just want to make sure I could get someone else if I wanted? He was my first boyfriend. Maybe I feel like he's the only one I could get, because I don't think I'm beautiful. He could have anyone…but I don't feel very chosen…and my friend makes me feel like a rare jewel.

I don't know. I'm still young and maybe I'm just not ready to submit myself to the will of another yet.  I've barely touched freedom to my lips and I'm giving it up before I even take a bite? {end story}

While we're pretty sure "submitting to the will of another" ought not be part of any marriage, we get her bigger point.  Sometimes we fall in love for the wrong reasons, reasons which have nothing to do with him or her – but with us.  We forget that being loved is great but that being in-love matters too.  Who can relate or add something to the conversation?  You ever feel like maybe you're giving up the apple before you take a bite?  Who makes you feel like a rare jewel?


  • Anne R.

    Posted on March 15, 2012

    The fact that her fiance is “loving and wonderful” is not enough reason to marry him if SHE is not in love. Anyone who says “I wonder if I’m not in love” IS NOT in love.

    Insecurity about oneself doesn’t prevent one from knowing that one is in love. However, insecurity does make people underestimate their own ability to attract someone who they are truly in love with, and lead to settling for someone they are not in love with.

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  • Kristina

    Posted on March 15, 2012

    It’s so funny. I submitted this and then that very evening broke down to my fiance and expressed my concerns. He told me that engagement isn’t final and I can back out whenever I want. He said he loves me dearly but he doesn’t want me to feel trapped. He said making him happy isn’t a good enough reason to marry him. That I should feel happy when I think about a future with him. Now that I don’t feel trapped and sentenced to marry him…I love him even more. I guess I just needed him to tell me that a wedding band isn’t a cage. That it’s a bird he’s marrying. A bird that still wants to fly. But I feel so blessed that OOC provided this outlet for me. You guys make my day nearly every day. Thank you so much.

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    • Tori

      Posted on March 15, 2012

      SO glad you told him. Keeping important feelings like these to yourself is no way to start/have a relationship or marriage! Good for you.

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    • Eva@OOC

      Posted on March 15, 2012

      You are so welcome. Nothing makes us happier!! Thanks for sharing and changing other people’s lives.

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  • AP

    Posted on March 15, 2012

    Hey, Kristina. I have a piece of advice for you. Hope it doesn’t bug you. Go out and have a few more experiences before you settle down. You do not want to spend your life wondering “what if?” Plus, if someone is making you feel like a “jewel” you should check him out. I’m just saying…

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  • Ellie

    Posted on March 19, 2012

    I agree with Anna R. to an extent. Generally, if he’s the one, you just kind of know. However, I also think it’s a healthy thing to question every once in a while, so good for you for having the courage to really think about it and not just let it happen passively!!

    I also think that when it comes to a marriage, whether or not someone makes you feel like a “precious jewel” is not necessarily a good reason to marry him. Don’t get me wrong, it’s extremely important for spouses to love each other with their whole hearts, but it’s not everything. It’s also important that they make a good team, encourage and support one another, have similar values, know how to communicate honestly and compromise, etc. Don’t forget that love isn’t just a feeling that happens without effort, but also a decision that you make everyday.

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