(anonymously submitted) Where do you get your sense of self-worth, your sense of value to the world?  I've always found it externally, in what I do for others, in what others have praised me for.  When I succeed, I am happy; when I succeed in helping others, I am ecstatic.  When I am wrapped in the cocoon of my loved ones, I feel secure.  But when I fail, when I let others down, when others don't let me know what I am worth, my ego deflates.  When I can't fix all my husband's problems, when I overreach at work, dropping balls because I'm trying to juggle too many of them, I feel that I am worthless, of no value.  I retreat into myself, sleeping, escaping in novels and games, diving into more work or sometimes even excessive social activities, trying to redeem myself, trying to regain some of that external reward that I need to feel that my life is worth living. Was I always this way?  Did I lose my sense of value when I was abandoned as a baby, thrown away like so much trash? Or did I lose it ...

Nope, there's no article, no story - just the question in the headline. Let's think about it...what do we (that means you too) need in our lives to be happy?  What do we WANT in our lives to be happy? Deep stuff, right?!  But what question could we ask ourselves where the answer could be more important, more essential, more fundamentally our happiest version of ourselves? Throw down, Chestists, throw down.

(by Theresa) Someone whose opinion I respect a great deal recently told me I am the strongest woman she knows. I wanted to tell her she was wrong. How could I be the strongest woman she knows? My mother was the strongest woman I have known, and she to my knowledge never had a panic attack. In fact, I don't think anyone in my immediate family has. I can remember the first time I had a panic attack. I was at a band rehearsal after school, struggling with one specific measure in the music. I was also in college credit courses and working at Wendy's, so I had a lot on my mind. When it came time for me to play the measure, I flubbed it badly and got a lot of what I perceived as negative attention. I ended up in tears, hyperventilating, and shaking so bad the section leader told me it was ok to go home. I felt like a failure and that added to my panic. How could I be considered strong? My mother never to my knowledge battled depression. My brothers seemed impervious to those demons. Sure my biological ...

(by NK, 19)

There are times when I think I'm crazy.  I don't mean like psych-ward crazy (that's my cousin and it's sad) just that I'm tweaked a bit.  Everyone's always called me "weird" and I've always kind of agreed with them.  I mean I get what they see because I don't see things the way any of my friends do.  I've always felt like I'm different.  Does this make any sense?  {end story}

Far be it for us to say if it makes sense, but, um, well...

So here's the question...you ever think you're a little tweaked?  That you zig while others zag?  Ever been seen as weird?  What was (is) that like for you?

 

(story by FMB, on repeat, via dailymaiil)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Want to get happier?  Get busy.  That's the implication of a study from the U.K. (they're so far ahead of us on so many things).  Check it:

"Making love boosts our happiness more than anything else."  Yup, according to this study of 45,000 iPhone users, having sex is the best way to help yourself feel good.

So, we've got 2 questions.  One, is this true for you?  And 2, what if the sex is only meh?  Let's #discuss.

(Read more)

(by FMB)

Conflict's as inevitable a part of life as...pooping and peeing (you probably thought we were going to say death and taxes.  Nope, not us.)

How we handle conflict can have a lot to do with how we feel.  Some of us run head first into it and some of us run away from it like a coming storm.

What about you - do you deal with it head on; let it fester; swlallow it whole and never address it?  Does it matter who the conflict is with?  Are you more or less likely to deal with it if it's at hom,e, a friend, at work?  Any tips from any of you guys on how you deal with it productively?  Conflict...let's #discuss.

(by "Breezy", a 21 yo Chestist)

I think we can all agree, sometimes some people suck.  This story is one of those times:

A good friend of mine lied to his friends and the guy I've been dating about sleeping with me. I just want to know why. I don't understand. It really, really hurts me, and it makes me feel sick, used, and betrayed. {end story}

This ever happen to you...where someone, let alone a good friend, made up a story about you...somethingthat was so false and hurtful and left you wondering wny and WTF?  What happened?  How;d you deal with it?  How'd you get past it - or haven't you?

If you haven't, we say let it go.  it's doing nothing good for you.  But either way, share your story here, won't you?

 

(by Effie, 25)

I think I"ve always been more interested in the chase then actually the catch.

Boys, grades, jobs, things.  I never like them as much as when I'm going after them when I have to wonder if I will get them.  Feels like it's hard to ever be satisfied.  Is this some weird psychological condition?  I want to want what I have not just to keep chasing what I don't. {end story}

What about you?  Would you rather chase or have?  Tell us why or why not...

(story submitted by Allie P., a 16 yo Chestist)

Allie may only be 16 but - sadly - nothing about how she's feeling is limited by age.  We'd bet that at least most of us have (and sometimes still do) felt this way.  How do you deal with what she's feeling?  How have you gome from feeling like shit for what you're not to feeling good about what you are?   Remember, if you share your story maybe you can help change hers.

My stomach, my chin, my butt, my thighs, everything about me is horrible. I just feel that everyone else is so much thinner and prettier, and there is no one that will accept who i am. I'm finally understanding myself a little better, but my body is still my biggest worry and insecurity. {end story}

(story submmitted anonymously, by a Chestist)

We're probably all guilty of having judged a book or two by its cover.  Feels a lot different when we're the book though.  Here's how she feels:

I have bleach blonde hair, big boobs, and apparently a decent ass. That doesn't make me stupid or shallow. It doesn't mean my life is perfect or that I am happier than anyone else. I have interest and issues too. I'm so sick of people taking one look at me and deciding I'm some sort of Barbie doll. {end story}

You ever been a victim of stereotyping?  When, how, why?  You ever been a stereotyper (most of us have)?  When, how, why?   Here's the thing about stereoptypes, they suck.  You can quote us on that.

(by Mir from WouldaShoulda)

I have a confession to make: I seem to have lost my Happy. And I know better! I should've kept better track of it, or taken action as soon as I suspected it'd gone missing, but I'm going through a rough patch and I just kind of let things slide for a while. I assumed it would wander back on its own. But so far... no dice.

It's not about feeling unattractive or less than---surefire ways to lose track of your happy, to be sure---or feeling snubbed or left out, either. Sure, there's various matters in my relationships and in my own head that could probably use some tweaking. That's normal stuff, though. This isn't about feeling inadequate in some way. It's just about feeling... lost. Kind of powerless in the face of all the many awful things that go on in the world that are totally out of my control. (Weird, but it turns out that no matter how hard you try to control things which are not, in fact, yours to control, it doesn't work. How is that fair?)

So I got to thinking ...

(by FMB)

One of the things we wonder about here at Global HQ, is why we're taught to practice most everything but being happy.

Handwirting.  Check.

Soccer. Check.

Trombone. Check.

Spanish.  Check.

And so on and on.  But happyness, not so much.  If paractice makes perfect, and if there's nothing more important than being happy (and what is?)...why don't we practice it more?

 

 

(by Elle, 19)

There are times when I want to tell Ol' Thomas the Tank Engine that he can take his "I think I can, I know I can" attitude and shove it.  FU Thomas, you try living my life.

I am tired and frustrated and trying to balance too many things between classes, working, and trying to have a social life.  I feel like I keep chugging up hill and and no matter how mamy times I say to myself "I think I can" something always falls through the cracks.

Why can't I win the lottery or something?  Then I wouldn't have to work and I could just focus on school and boys.  Isn't that what people my age are supposed to do, anyway?  {end story}

While we can't abide anger at Thomas, who are we to judge?  What we can relate to is feeling like the climb is long and steep and that you may need more stamina than you think you have.  You climbing any hills that seem steeper than you can imagine being able to get to the top of?

(by MCC, 29 yo)

There was a time when I had certainty everything would always be ok.  You know, that sense that no matter what happened it all happened for good reasons and that everything would be as it should and that that - that would be great.

Then bad things started happening. My mom got sick, the guy I was sure I was going to marry got a job and nmoved away and we couldn't manage the long-distance and longer abscences.  A career that was going great stopped being so great.  I keep looking for the lessons and I don't see any.

It all makes me more cynical and less hopeful.  More confused and less certain that everything is going to work out.  I miss optimism. {end story}

You ever feel like you're on the wrong side of Karma?  What do you do to get back to the other side?