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WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND?

A New Relationship

8 comments | August 5th, 2012

(by anonymous, 20)

My whole life I've been a confident and independent girl. I crave deep connection (and luckily find it frequently as I am from a huge and fabulous family), but I have crippling fears of vulnerability.

I'm happy to be dating a man who is my first real relationship. Navigating these new waters of being in a serious relationship is fun but so terrifying. I feel naked half of the time, hiding the other half. Is that normal?

I keep thinking "what's the point?" of getting in so deep with this guy when we are both so young, it will probably only end in heartbreak. It's horrible to not be able to just be present and enjoy where I am right now, but that question eats at me. I just assume that my bf and I will eventually break up, and sometimes I think I self-sabotage and try to expedite the process. I thought I would feel better when he said "I love you," but this feeling won't go away.

Does this mean I'm not in love? I was certain I was until he said it. I know my insecurities and defense mechanisms are what make me want to break up with my boyfriend. We are so good together, and I genuinely love being with him. When we're not together I think about him all the time – I hate it! I want to be fine, happy, content, all by myself!

But at the same time I love being with him. How do I overcome this hangup? How do I let go of all the protectionism that's dictated my every move for so long? I feel like a freak that I can't even let myself be happy. {end story}

 

8 comments

  • Been There

    Posted on August 5, 2012

    Not only have I been there, some times I still am there. Recognizing your own inclination to self-sabotage is such a great place to begin. Being aware that you might is no guarantee you won’t but you can kep yourself in check this way.

    I see from the credit line that you are 20. The odds are great this relationship won’t last. That doesn’t mean it won’t be wonderful and rewarding and full of all the frustrations that relationships are. Give yourself to it and learn from it and him.

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  • Liza

    Posted on August 5, 2012

    You seem so full of self doubt. That is normal. Stop questioning yourself. Live.

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  • HM

    Posted on August 5, 2012

    I think I am the opposite of you. I try and HOPE my way in to things. Instead of wondering if I am not in love I always try and convince myself I am and that this guy is THE GUY.

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  • Bri

    Posted on August 6, 2012

    …the point is to feel love and be in love. The point is to enjoy your life. You’re young. Act like it (and I say that with affection.)

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  • Alece Chanel

    Posted on August 6, 2012

    You are in a fantastic place. How good must it feel to be in love and be loved? I have a general theory that most people are afraid of happiness. Don’t be! Soar in the directin that your heart takes you. Its clear from your story that you love him and he loves you. In matters of the heart risk and vulnerability are what allows up to be open and recieve all the great things life has in store for us. Allow yourself to accept the love because YOU are worthy! Push aside all the negative talk and self doubt. Go in peace, love freely and be free.

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  • Vanessa Royce

    Posted on August 6, 2012

    “How good must it feel to be in love and be loved? ” :)

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  • Hanna

    Posted on August 6, 2012

    I think you need to cut yourself a little slack! You said this is your first real relationship, so don’t expect to get past all your baggage right away. It’s a work in progress. You are already self-aware. That is huge.

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