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WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND?

Bad Fathers

11 comments | July 29th, 2012

(by Natasha, 19, a Chestist)

My dad gives me crap about my weight and how unpretty I am all the time. For the record, I am 5'2'', 103 lbs (naturally, no eating disorders here), and have been called "stunningly beautiful" and "fairy-like" by my mom's friends.

In a month, I'm heading off to college in New York and my dad keeps teasing me in front of the entire family. He says I'm going to come back 50 lbs heavier and looking like a whale, and that it's simply a fact.

I also mentioned that a friend of mine auditioned to play a Disney Princess. His response? "She looks more like Ursula." This is one of my best friends. He keeps saying that she's "chunky" and needs to get a nose job. At the same time, he blatantly tells me that he thinks my tall, beautiful, stick-thin friend is one of the sexiest people he has ever met. This kinda language lead to my younger sister's anorexia earlier this year.

I've tried talking to him about it, but he won't stop. I'm terrified that he thinks I'm ugly and that maybe he's right. One time, I was talking about how comfortable I am in my bikini, saying, "I kinda have the Natalie Portman body."

His response?

"No, you just have the I'm-in-theatre-so-I'm-used-to-people-seeing-me-naked body."

I hate the way he won't stop talking about how hot all other women are when my mom is right there.

I hate the way I'll never be good enough for him.

I hate the fear that he instills in me every day.

People ask me why I'm so willing to spend most of my money on beauty products. Although I don't tell them, the answer is simple: my dad. {end story}

Your guys' thoughts, advice, stories? How did your father shape how you think about you (remember, you can always comment anonymously, yo.)?

 

11 comments

  • Anonymous

    Posted on July 30, 2012

    Your father is an asshole. I am sorry to say that. He just is.

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  • KR

    Posted on July 30, 2012

    It sounds like you are very connected to your dad even though you know he’s wrong. DO NOT LET HIM GET YOU DOWN.

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  • Cat

    Posted on July 30, 2012

    It never ceases to surprise me how some parents can create self-hate in their children. Isn’t that abusive?

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  • Emmie

    Posted on July 30, 2012

    My dad never told me I was pretty growing up and it came as a shock to me when I heard him say I was beautiful when I was a young adult. I married the first boy to tell me that he thought I was beautiful, not a move I would recommend by the way. Luckily my ex husband was a great guy we just married when I was way too (mentally) young. Now I’m 38 and I am confident in my looks and myself as a whole person. I no longer pay attention to my dad when he drones on about my weight, my hair, or the way I dress.

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  • Rae

    Posted on July 30, 2012

    It is really hard to dismiss what your parent says, even when it is clearly unkind, negative, and untrue. Not to be the armchair psychologist, but it sounds like your dad has a lot of issues of his own. Sounds like he has some very low self-esteem. Not excusing it, just wondering. Maybe you can try to shut him down immediately when he starts to make those comments. If he won’t stop, just walk out of the room. Do NOT listen to that sh*t any more!!

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  • Anonymous

    Posted on July 30, 2012

    You poor thing. You know what he sounds like? A fifteen year old mean girl. Picking people apart. Maybe he’s gay.

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  • Mary

    Posted on August 1, 2012

    Well I’m floored. Here, you’ve been subject to this absolute shit your whole life and yet you can see it for what it is. The fact that you realize that the way your dad acts isn’t normal and how destructive it is just speaks volumes for you.

    I’m excited that you are going to college soon and I’m excited for the impact you will have on our world. Honey, you are going to rock it.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted on August 9, 2012

    i feel so bad for girls especially who have shit to deal with

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  • JAHEEM R.HILTS

    Posted on March 27, 2013

    YOUR FATHER SEEMS TO BE GOING THROUGH SOMETHING HE HAS NO CONTROL OVER. IN YOUR FATHERS MIND HE DOESN’T REALLY CARE ABOUT HOW HES TO PROTECT HIS FAMILY WOMAN AND CHILDREN MENTALLY. IF ISSUES NEVER ARISE THEN HE WILL NEVER HAVE TO BE THE BRAVE MAN THAT WILL PROTECT HIS FAMILY PHYSICALLY. IT SOUNDS LIKE HES A POOR MAN BECAUSE WITH OUT HIM IN YOUR LIFE YOU WOULD HEAR ALL THE GOOD STUFF FROM YOUR MOTHER AND OTHER RELATIVES. I RECOMMEND NOT EVER SAYING ANYTHING TO HIM AND WHEN HE CHANGES EMBRACE THE CHANGE WITHOUT LOOKING DOWN ON HIM. HES REALLY JUST IMMATURE AND DOESN’T REALLY KNOW WHAT TO SAY SO HE SAYS ANYTHING TO YOU. YOU HAVE A LOT TO LOOK FORWARD TO AND HOPEFULLY YOU DON’T LET THIS TRAP YOU IN A CONSCIOUS SPACE WHERE IT MAKES YOU BEHAVE LESSER THAN YOUR TRUE NATURED SELF. NOT JUST THAT HOW IS YOUR MOM GOING ABOUT FIXING THE PROBLEM APPARENTLY UNLESS SHES BLIND AND DOESN’T SEE WHAT THAT IS DOING TO YOU SHE DOESN’T EVEN KNOW HOW TO CHECK THIS. MY FATHER WONT DO NOTHING LIKE THAT. UGLY ISNT IN THE FACE IT’S THE HEART AND BEHAVIOR.I CARE CHEER UP.

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