Being Single

5 comments | November 7th, 2011

(story submitted anonymously, by a Chestist)

My 10th (ya read that right, TENTH) year of being single is fast approaching and it has really started me thinking.

(back up) When I say single, I mean completely (no dates, no boyfriends, no one nighters, no sleep overs) single. Got me thinking, is being single the rest of my life, honestly what I want anymore? Believe me, being single and staying single was absolutely a choice I made, and with a clear mind and an unwounded heart. I have had good and bad, short and long relationships and only one abusive relationship… It only took one pushing, shoving, slapping, foul-mouthed fight in a relationship for me to know, with everything in me, that I would NEVER allow that to happen again.

See, once I actually make up mind, 100%, with what I want or don't want, then it is on like Donkey Kong! I can do it and stick to it without a snag. It is the actual making up my mind completely that snags me every time.

I can still remember my first real crush, well kinda remember. I do know that I was in elementary school, I think that I was in about 4th grade, I think that his name was Rodney and I can actually still kinda picture him… Dark hair, olive complexion and a red plaid shirt (holy crap I hate spelling blocks, I just spent about 2 minute desperately trying to remember how the hell to spell shirt) asking why I would remember his shirt? Well, because I am remember a school picture he gave me of himself.

My first boyfriend was not until my freshman year of high school… Or course I "went with" a couple of boys in middle school (went with, go with was the lingo we used back then) Chris, the first of the MS boys, I have seen once since 7th grade, living pretty much an uneventful life and Scott the second of the MS boys, I have seen a few times since 8th grade, is now a grandfather. This BTW, blows my mind, why, I am not sure… Maybe because my kids do not have kids of their own yet, so seeing my classmates as grandparents still hits me funny. I guess when I become a grandmother, I will think differently. Back to HS boyfriends, I had a few, most have uneventful to fairly decent lives…

On to real, bona fide, grown up relationships… The first was Jack… Jack was fun, Jack was nothing but fun… Which after awhile, got old, which made me bored, which made him bored with me, which made him move on, but not before letting me know I was now boring, thus leading to the full blown, fist flinging, cops involved fight that caused me to make the decision to pay more attention to who I was actually dating (this decision has not actually ever worked)… (learned many years later that Jack was a cocaine addict the entire time we lived together and to think, I never even knew Jack did any drugs when we were together) after Jack, I moved back home, got myself together enough to join the service to make something of the dumbass I felt I had become… Joining the service to better myself, ABSOLUTE BEST thing I ever did for myself, without a doubt!

While in the service I met the only man that I have ever loved in my 43 yrs. Todd was unlike anyone I had ever dated. Todd was a "good kid" from a good family, that had his shit together and was going places and knew exactly where he was going and how he was going to get there. Knowing the who, what, when, etc of my life's plan of attack, never was and still is not my strong point… I just exist, day to day, year after year.

The few men I have dated since Todd, took me right back to the "your man picker sucks" kind of relationships. One I dated 20+ yrs ago, was recently convicted of murder, my oldest child's father has nothing, other than paying child support occasionally, to do with being a father, my youngest child's father is a full blown alcoholic (oh the fucking joys of that shit!!) and the last guy that I dated almost 10 yrs ago, to top off the sucky man picker, is a registered sex offender (the- he was 19, she was 16, mama got pissed after awhile and had him arrested- kind).

Not in a million yrs, did I think, when I decided to just quit dating for awhile, I would be sitting here, all this time later, still single!?!?! Am I bothered by being alone, not really. Would I like to find someone?  Maybe, but to be honest, being single for so long, kinda set in my ways, like doing whatever I feel, whenever I feel, not so sure I want to or even could give it all up. {end story}


We love that this reader, one of you, feels so good about her decision, even if it didn't work out (yet) exactly as she thought it might.  So what about you, Chestists?  Is single something you are, want to be, think about?  Do you feel like you could choose to be single if you decided that's what was best for you – or does the pressure to be paired weigh on you?  Let's talk single and coupled…go.  x


  • Dina R.

    Posted on November 7, 2011

    Whoa, your man-picker really does suck, doesn’t it? Why do you think it’s so off? I ask because sometimes I think I’m attracted to guys for all the wrong things and that I’ll just end up sad and lonely.

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  • N.K.

    Posted on November 7, 2011

    I have always thought I need a guy to be happy. I have always thought being alone would be the lowest depths of misery. After reading this though, I guess the lowest depths of misery is actually being with the wrong guy. Being alone is better than that. Thanks.

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    • Nan

      Posted on November 7, 2011

      Me too! I really appreciate this woman’s honesty. Makes me think being single can be okay AND a choice that I make, not one that is made for me.

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      • Eva@OOC

        Posted on November 7, 2011

        That is a great distinction, Nan. It is so important that we make our own decisions, for whatever reasons, and not let others make them for us. Thanks for adding your voice.

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  • Benedict Lazarus

    Posted on November 9, 2011

    I am 29 and was so certain I’d be married with children by now. While there are days I wish I’d found — or have some hope of finding — Mr. Right, I really have come to cherish the independence my singledom gives me.

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