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BFF Break Up

comment | December 19th, 2012

(by anonymous)

so it’s been just about a year now. A year when i made a really big decision,the decision to not be friends with my best friend at the time ,anymore. We were inseparable we told each other everything ,and most memorable now is that we hid within each other. We hid from people,situations,and the world. When we would confide in each other we would come to conclusion that were negative and weren’t really conclusions at all. We needed each other because we both didn’t know how to live,or how to deal with life. Looking back at that friendship it was like a relationship in which we demanded each others time it was something serious that we were both in. Although i can go on and on about the negatives of this friendship and how i’m better off now there’s a part of me that misses who i use to be in that friendship. It could just be the connection of being someone with another person or the fact that i could say whatever i wanted and not be judged for it. One thing that i really miss and can’t seem to let go of is how i could talk and talk about my feelings and find myself while i was just spilling out my heart. I write this now because i feel like i’m loosing who i am. I’ve been out of school for a year now or so. I’m going back in spring which i’m looking forward to as well as meeting new people. I hope that i can find myself again but in a non narcissistic way. I want to find myself by hearing other people speak their minds not just on my aimless thoughts. Towards the end of our friendship it was obvious we were going in different direction it seemed that way to me. I was tired of her clearly, tired of her bringing me down to her level. I didn’t want to be like her ever. I’ll admit that i was a bit controlling or overpowering in that i knew i made her more then what she was. I regret that now because she hasn’t utilized what i have shown her or helped her with. It’s frustrating watching someone that you care so much for amount to nothing yet i feel like that’s what my entire life has been. I seem to choose these friendships or relationship where they’re clearly no match for me,but yet i feel i’m just like them almost worthless in way or even worst i try to help them. I’ll turn my world upside down just for love which is odd because i’ve never had it. There’s another friend of mine who i’m recently dropping as well because i just can’t take negative people anymore i want to be more i want to be a lot in this world. I hope that next semester i’ll attract like minded people to me, and i won’t be intimidated or scared of just being around them. with all of that being said i am alone but that’s my own fault. I don’t know, i just need some advice if anyone can make out this poorly written thoughts…

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