Bullied at 42

11 comments | April 4th, 2012

(story submitted by Mary, a 42 yo Chestist)

We may all grow older, but we don't all grow up.  Here's Mary's story:

Hi, I need advice.

I had a group of college friends (I'm now 42), we were all close. But I was the only one who didn't get married. I went through a depression, gained a lot of weight and basically went through hell. The ring leader "T" went of of her way to ensure everyone knew I gained all this weight and was depressed (instead of coming to me and saying how are you). Then apparently weird, lies were being told.

All I know is I got fat and depressed. But to hear weird lies, devastated me. I now do not speak to any of them. During my hardest days, they never called or came by, but many  said"Oh, "T" is saying a lot about you. It has isolated me and I am so sad. Their true colors came through.

My question is do I call "T" and give her my mind? Here's the deal, she will just protect herself and be defensive and it'll add fire. It'll give her more to gossip about. I could never be friends with someone again who ran all over putting me down. Any advice? {end story}

Bullying doesn't always end in school, does it?  Why are so many of us so vested in gossip, and hating on other people?  Anything like this ever happened to you?  Any advice for Mary?  Remember, you can change her story if you share yours. 


  • Illa

    Posted on April 4, 2012

    Mary, if you’ll feel better for getting it out in the open you should do it. If you think it will just fuel T’s fire, than don’t. You should focus on what’s going to help you feel better because even though it sounds like you’re much better off without her, losing a friend still hurts. Honor that and move on, IMO.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted on April 4, 2012

    It makes me crazy when adults act like children.

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  • K.H.L.

    Posted on April 4, 2012

    Take the high road. You can never regret doing that.

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  • Katie

    Posted on April 4, 2012

    Good riddance to rancid rubbish. Anytime you do hear from them, look (prettily, as I’m sure you do) confused and say you haven’t spoken to T in ages, and are quite surprised she’d happen to actually know anything about you. Then drop it and change the subject. There is no percentage in feeding the crazies.

    Let them have their petty drama, it’s not your problem that they never left middle school, they’re just using your name in their soap opera. When you stop being interesting, your character will get written off the show.

    Married or not, kids or not, same hobbies or not, live next door or not, they have no right to harsh your happy unless you let them! Don’t freaking let them!

    If you’ve really just got to say something, write her an EPIC nastygram and have a whole burning ceremony for the letter, I recommend that the ceremony require wine and really lovely chocolate. Then you can chortle to yourself about how she doesn’t even know how perfectly she was told off.

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  • Still Sad

    Posted on April 4, 2012

    When I was 26 or 27 something like this happened to me. Girls I’d been friends with for years just seemed to stop liking me. Saturday nights that we always spent together we’re suddenly “too busy” or filled with “other plans”. Then on FB – where else – it became clear that everything was carrying on without me. I tried asking them why they were mad at me and if I had done something. I never got a straight answer. When I started hearing that they were talking badly about me to others, I just got so sad. I still have no idea if I did something or maybe didn’t do something, I just know we’re not friends any more.

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  • Jeannie C

    Posted on April 4, 2012

    Mary – What people think and say about you says more about them than it does you. Say it over and over again. Then get up – look in the mirror and notice something wonderful. Think about who you really ARE. Think about the fact that they may be jealous of your independence and freedom. Move on. There is little point in confronting a person like this and honestly, it wouldn’t be of any true benefit to you. Find something that interests YOU and do it. Life is SO much bigger than these cold-hearted, small-minded twits. Maybe you can volunteer at an animal shelter or a nursing home or a school. It is impossible to life someone else up, without lifting yourself up as well. CHOOSE to go forward. Without them. They are weighing you down. <3 and hugs to you… all will be well. Make it so.

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  • Melissa H.

    Posted on April 4, 2012

    Some people aren’t worth the time we give them. It may not feel like it now, but it is such a good thing to figure that out. Does it hurt? Of course. Does it help make sure you don’t waste time with these same people anymore? Yes, it does. It may not feel like it now but when you see someone’s true colors I think they’ve done you a favor.

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