Happy Hating




A Sense of Self-Worth

1 response | February 12th, 2013


(anonymously submitted) Where do you get your sense of self-worth, your sense of value to the world?  I've always found it externally, in what I do for others, in what others have praised me for.  When I succeed, I am happy; when I succeed in helping others, I am ecstatic.  When I am wrapped in the cocoon of my loved ones, I feel secure.  But when I fail, when I let others down, when others don't let me know what I am worth, my ego deflates.  When I can't fix all my husband's problems, when I overreach at work, dropping balls because I'm trying to juggle too many of them, I feel that I am worthless, of no value.  I retreat into myself, sleeping, escaping in novels and games, diving into more work or sometimes even excessive social activities, trying to redeem myself, trying to regain some of that external reward that I need to feel that my life is worth living. Was I always this way?  Did I lose my sense of value when I was abandoned as a baby, thrown away like so much trash? Or did I lose it ...

Crazy Like a Fox

comment | October 10th, 2012


(by NK, 19)

There are times when I think I'm crazy.  I don't mean like psych-ward crazy (that's my cousin and it's sad) just that I'm tweaked a bit.  Everyone's always called me "weird" and I've always kind of agreed with them.  I mean I get what they see because I don't see things the way any of my friends do.  I've always felt like I'm different.  Does this make any sense?  {end story}

Far be it for us to say if it makes sense, but, um, well...

So here's the question...you ever think you're a little tweaked?  That you zig while others zag?  Ever been seen as weird?  What was (is) that like for you?


Happy MakingQ: How Do You Handle Conflict?

11 comments | September 27th, 2012


(by FMB)

Conflict's as inevitable a part of life as...pooping and peeing (you probably thought we were going to say death and taxes.  Nope, not us.)

How we handle conflict can have a lot to do with how we feel.  Some of us run head first into it and some of us run away from it like a coming storm.

What about you - do you deal with it head on; let it fester; swlallow it whole and never address it?  Does it matter who the conflict is with?  Are you more or less likely to deal with it if it's at hom,e, a friend, at work?  Any tips from any of you guys on how you deal with it productively?  Conflict...let's #discuss.

#lifestagesHe Lied About Me

4 comments | September 25th, 2012

chestist sad

(by "Breezy", a 21 yo Chestist)

I think we can all agree, sometimes some people suck.  This story is one of those times:

A good friend of mine lied to his friends and the guy I've been dating about sleeping with me. I just want to know why. I don't understand. It really, really hurts me, and it makes me feel sick, used, and betrayed. {end story}

This ever happen to you...where someone, let alone a good friend, made up a story about you...somethingthat was so false and hurtful and left you wondering wny and WTF?  What happened?  How;d you deal with it?  How'd you get past it - or haven't you?

If you haven't, we say let it go.  it's doing nothing good for you.  But either way, share your story here, won't you?


Happy HatingThe Chase

3 comments | September 19th, 2012

Chestist typewriter 2

(by Effie, 25)

I think I"ve always been more interested in the chase then actually the catch.

Boys, grades, jobs, things.  I never like them as much as when I'm going after them when I have to wonder if I will get them.  Feels like it's hard to ever be satisfied.  Is this some weird psychological condition?  I want to want what I have not just to keep chasing what I don't. {end story}

What about you?  Would you rather chase or have?  Tell us why or why not...

#bodiesMy Biggest Insecurity

6 comments | September 13th, 2012

chestist sad

(story submitted by Allie P., a 16 yo Chestist)

Allie may only be 16 but - sadly - nothing about how she's feeling is limited by age.  We'd bet that at least most of us have (and sometimes still do) felt this way.  How do you deal with what she's feeling?  How have you gome from feeling like shit for what you're not to feeling good about what you are?   Remember, if you share your story maybe you can help change hers.

My stomach, my chin, my butt, my thighs, everything about me is horrible. I just feel that everyone else is so much thinner and prettier, and there is no one that will accept who i am. I'm finally understanding myself a little better, but my body is still my biggest worry and insecurity. {end story}

#bodiesI Am Not My Stereotype

1 response | September 6th, 2012

50s chestist

(story submmitted anonymously, by a Chestist)

We're probably all guilty of having judged a book or two by its cover.  Feels a lot different when we're the book though.  Here's how she feels:

I have bleach blonde hair, big boobs, and apparently a decent ass. That doesn't make me stupid or shallow. It doesn't mean my life is perfect or that I am happier than anyone else. I have interest and issues too. I'm so sick of people taking one look at me and deciding I'm some sort of Barbie doll. {end story}

You ever been a victim of stereotyping?  When, how, why?  You ever been a stereotyper (most of us have)?  When, how, why?   Here's the thing about stereoptypes, they suck.  You can quote us on that.

FU Thomas

2 comments | August 19th, 2012


(by Elle, 19)

There are times when I want to tell Ol' Thomas the Tank Engine that he can take his "I think I can, I know I can" attitude and shove it.  FU Thomas, you try living my life.

I am tired and frustrated and trying to balance too many things between classes, working, and trying to have a social life.  I feel like I keep chugging up hill and and no matter how mamy times I say to myself "I think I can" something always falls through the cracks.

Why can't I win the lottery or something?  Then I wouldn't have to work and I could just focus on school and boys.  Isn't that what people my age are supposed to do, anyway?  {end story}

While we can't abide anger at Thomas, who are we to judge?  What we can relate to is feeling like the climb is long and steep and that you may need more stamina than you think you have.  You climbing any hills that seem steeper than you can imagine being able to get to the top of?

Happy HatingI Miss Optimism

1 response | August 15th, 2012

chestist blue

(by MCC, 29 yo)

There was a time when I had certainty everything would always be ok.  You know, that sense that no matter what happened it all happened for good reasons and that everything would be as it should and that that - that would be great.

Then bad things started happening. My mom got sick, the guy I was sure I was going to marry got a job and nmoved away and we couldn't manage the long-distance and longer abscences.  A career that was going great stopped being so great.  I keep looking for the lessons and I don't see any.

It all makes me more cynical and less hopeful.  More confused and less certain that everything is going to work out.  I miss optimism. {end story}

You ever feel like you're on the wrong side of Karma?  What do you do to get back to the other side?

Love & SexMy BF’s Porn

22 comments | August 12th, 2012


(by Katie, a 25yo Chestist)

There's so much about this story sent us by one of you we think is important, let's just let her do the talking:

I don't know if I'm upset right now. Or even if I should be.

I hopped on the BF's laptop to check email this morning (his was on and I was lazy enough to not want to turn mine on) and saw he had some... ahem... visual aids... up in the tabs. Now, we have frequently used porn of various kinds as foreplay ("Do you like this? Why? Why not?") so me checking out what was selected has positive precedent with us.

But these were all "Barely Legal!" and "All Horny Teens!" sites... Not the usual variety pack of mid/latetwenties, obviously adult bodies. Im willing to enjoy the blanket assumption that all of these girls are fully legal and do this to support their own, noncoerced sexuality, but all I can see is the girls in the teen Girl Scout troop I volunteered with last year. I texted him to ask about it (nicely, I swear) and he called not ...

Happy HatingPissed

6 comments | August 10th, 2012

chestist black scratch

(by So Mad)

I get angry quickly.  It's like a reflex.  Someone does or maybe doesn't do something and, voila, anger and frustration are immediate.

I try and talk myself out of the emotion.  I know the anger doesn't serve me.  I can't though.  I just keep spinning and stewing in what made me pissed in the first place.  It doesn't help anything. {end story}

How do you get past anger and frustration?  Or do you stew in it like our writer?  Any advice?  Any questions?  Let's share.

(Oh, and for more thoughts on getting past anger go here.)

Surviving Abuse

5 comments | July 23rd, 2012

black explosion chestist

(by Confused, a  Chestist)

I was in an abusive relationship for four years and it's taken me another four to deal with it after all the denial. I've been with my partner for almost three years and he really helped me come to terms with what happened.

It's been a relief to deal with it, but now I feel like I can't mention it to him, or else it means I'm not over it. I'm having a really hard time setting sexual boundaries with him because of it and some innocent things will make me feel terrible - but I can't tell him. This is just so stupid. How do I say I'm over it while still asserting myself as a survivor??? {end story}


Happy HatingI’m Not Pregnant

3 comments | July 22nd, 2012


(by anonymous, a Chestist)

Yesterday, after enjoying a lovely cup of tea with some friends, an elderly man who had been at the restaurant since before we got there interrupted us to ask, "So when are you due?" Needless to say (or, I suppose, not so needless), I'm NOT pregnant.

I quickly signed my receipt and stormed out before the other patrons could see my face flush red. When I got home I dropped my purse, tore off my shoes and started weeping into my fiance's arms. I'm trying so hard to lose weight for our wedding...and for my health and my life...and it seems like in every candid photo, every walk by a mirror, I seem to have gained weight. What's worse, with every word of comfort my fiance tried to say, a louder voice in my head made a counterpoint in middle-school-mean-girl fashion. When I tried to tell my fiance about the voice, he said, "Tell it it can't stay. No one is allowed in this bed but you and me."

And the voice chimed in with, "Only because no one else could fit." {end ...

#bodiesSelf-Loathing, Just Like Mama Taught Me

10 comments | July 12th, 2012

Chestist Shares

(story submitted as a comment, by Lana a Chestist, and reposted here, now)

The writer first posted this as a comment to our story on Mothers, and what they teach us about ourselves - for good and ill.  Here's her story:

When I was 14, my mom told me that, for her, 130 lbs was "big." At that time, I weighed about 165 lbs. In that moment, I wanted to kill myself.

She wasn't telling me to lose weight, she was expressing her own dissatisfaction with her body. My mom has a curvy hourglass figure - she's wears a 32DD Bra and size 12 pants. Her waist is tiny but she has our family's hips bodacious booty. My whole life, my mother talked about food, and she still does. She decides to "hate" foods that have "too much fat," like cheesecake, which, I recently found out, she actually loves but told me that she hated it my whole life. She won't even drink a latte because it has "too much milk." She has been on Weight Watchers my entire life and when we went around the table ...

Happy HatingPleasing Others

4 comments | July 10th, 2012

chestist swirl2

(by Heather, a Chestist)

I'm tired of worrying about pleasing other people. When does this insane behavior ever end????

At what point will it no longer matter to me, when will I realize that it is impossible to please everybody and just be happy with myself. At the rate I'm going, I'll be dead first. {end story}

Do you put other people's happy before your own?  (What's up with that?)  Any advice for Heather ~ and the rest of us?