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WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND?

What I Really Want

5 comments | June 1st, 2012

Mic

(story submitted by Anna, a 38 yo Chestist)

I'm completely bored out of my skull by my job and work. I sit here at this office all day long doing nothing. I let the work pile up all week and then power through it easily all in one day - in just a couple of hours. I get paid very well. I'm miserable.

Today I'm doing something about it. No, not quitting this job - yet. I'm here early today and will stay on top of all my tasks from now on so that I may make room for bettering myself, creating a plan for WHAT I REALLY WANT and using this huge amount of down time to my advantage.

I'm tired of being sad 40 hours a week, feeling like a paralyzed lobster in an ever-hotter pot of boiling water. {end story}

First, big ups to Anna for taking control of her happy.  Do you use your down time or do you stew in it (like a lobster)?  

Happy HatingI’m 23 and Never Had a Relationship

6 comments | May 30th, 2012

chestist enthralled

(story submitted anonymously, by a Chestist)

 I'm 23 and have never been in a relationship. Sometimes I feel ok about it, but on days like today it gets me down. I've dated but never really come close to being with anyone. I've never even slept with the same person twice and sex is generally a soulless experience when you don't give a damn about the person you're with and know they don't really care about you. Most of my closest friends have been in and out and back in relationships over the years I have known them. I almost feel like my life is at a standstill, no growth, missing out on something that seems to come so easily to everyone else. It's just so frustrating, especially when I'm given the 'when you least expect it' mantra, because I'm not expecting it and haven't for a long time. I know there's nothing wrong with me, but sometimes I can't help but wan't to ask 'what the hell is wrong with me! why am I always on my own?'..not everyday but on some days..like ...

Sorry

8 comments | May 29th, 2012

sorry

(story submitted anonymously, by a Chestist)

It was my fault and I know it and she knows it and I still can't bring myself to say I'm sorry. {end story}

Wasn't it Elton John who sang that "sorry seems to be the hardest word"?  Are you apologetic when you have reason to be?  Is saying you're sorry hard for you?  Why?

 

Happy HatingFuck You, Voice!

9 comments | May 29th, 2012

cloudy talk burst

(story submitted by C, a 26 yo Chestist)

Even when things are going well, I can't just be happy.  Why is it so hard for me? Why do I take offense to everything? Why do I still believe this voice that tells me that I'm going to fuck everything up no matter how hard I try?

FUCK YOU, VOICE!!! I'm not going to take a fucking pill to make you go away. I'll just prove you wrong and defeat you like the little cowardly bitch that you are. Now if you'll excuse me, I have more important things to devote my time and energy to. {end story}

We all have that voice in our heads.  How do you shut yours up and out?

Happy HatingI Can’t Quit You

4 comments | May 28th, 2012

yellow sun rays

(story submitted by SFG, a 24 yo Chestist)

We were in college when we started dating.  I'd had a few boyfriends in HS, but nothing really serious before him.  I think he taught me how to be in love.

Now it's 2 years after we graduated and we're still together, I'm just not sure we should be.  I tried breaking things off once a year ago and it just didn't work.  I think he tried once too but I'm not really sure.

I can't tell if we're supposed to be together or just too scared not to be.  {end story}

You ever been in a relationship, could've been romantic or even professional, where the fear of not being together is what kept you from leaving?

#bodiesEating Disorder

7 comments | May 26th, 2012

cloudy talk burst

(story submitted Anonymously, by a Chestist, on rewind)

I was never the fat girl, but I was never the thin girl either. I wasn't the ugliest girl, but I was far from attracting the attention and admiration of anyone either. I had flaws, but I wasn't a flaw. And this is how I felt during my years as a teenager.

I went through puberty at a very early age. Nine years old to be exact. I always felt special-- being the tallest, being the biggest. But those feelings changed once I entered middle school and learned thin was in.

I continued to gain weight a grow, and by seventh grade I was 5'3" and 150 lbs. No one ever said to my face that I was fat. I only felt that I was because I was surrounded by prepubescent girls and t.v. shows like America's Next Top Model, that praised and glamorized size 0 bodies. And growing up in a home with a constantly dieting mother and Barbie Dolls to play with, I knew I should have been thinner.

And to be honest, I could have eaten healthier and ...

Happy HatingDon’t Blame Me

8 comments | May 24th, 2012

black explosion chestist

(Story submitted anonymously, by a Chestist)

DO NOT blame me because you did not do what you were supposed to, that's not fair. {end story}

You can feel the anger here.  Some people find it easier to blame others than accept responsibility themselves.  Can you relate?  Have you ever done it yourself?  (We did - once.  Really, just once.)

Happy HatingCan I Take A Nap. Please.

4 comments | May 24th, 2012

Chestist Sun, red and black

(story submitted by Exhausted, a Chestist)

How's my day start?  My day starts with my wondering when I can go back to bed, if I can sneak a nap at work, if I can pretend I'm going to a meeting and go to a movie theater to sleep for half-an-hour.  I sleep fine during the night.  No tossing or turning, no teeth grinding (at least not since I got a mouth guard).  I just want to go back to bed.

Most days I don't sneak to a movie and don't get to close my door and drift off for 15 minutes, and that's fine and I keep functioning, some even think at a high level.  I do think about it though and wish I could close my eyes for just a bit even as I write this.  I do plan my Saturday mornings around my Saturday naps so that nothing can take it away from me.

Some of my friends think I'm depressed.  I'm not depressed, I'm just so tired.  Maybe I have that Yuppy-disease from the 90s.  {end story}

What about you, ...

Happy HatingGood Manners

5 comments | May 19th, 2012

50s chestist

In my family we were raised to say things like "thank you", "you're welcome"; "please"; "I'm sorry"; all in the appropriate context of course.

Yes, we were raised with manners, to be polite, and to be respectful of the actions and feelings of others.  Even to this day, I have to say "thank you" every time the wait-person refills my water glass, removes a plate, no matter what conversation I wind up interrupting to do it.

Lately I have been struck by how impolite most people are.  I don't just mean in social situations or in places like restaurants, but with each other.  Ok, maybe it's just with me. 

I know it may seem like a little thing, but impolite people really get under my skin.  Say thank you.  Say sorry.  Say I'm going to be late. Say something, anything that acknowledges the situation.  Mea culpas and gifts aren't needed, just a little commmon decency and good manners.

One day I'll have kids and I can promise you one thing, they may not be smart, talented or good looking, but they'll be polite.  {end story}

Does rudeness ...

#bodiesIn The Mind’s Eye

9 comments | May 17th, 2012

boom

(submitted by Chan, a Chestist, an OOC rewwind)

Sometimes what we think we see and what we think others see may not be the same thing.  Sometimes that's good; sometimes it sucks.  Here's what one reader sent us:

"I have this... thing where, in my mind's eye, I'm thinner than I actually am.  Catching a glimpse of myself in the mirror can be devastating.  It's not that I don't know I'm overweight: I just don't *see* myself that way, so when it's shoved in my face, it's startling to say the least." [end of story.]

Does anyone else have this mind's-eye glitch? What's the difference - if any - between what you see in the mirror and what's in your mind's eye?

Love & SexA Friend of A Friend

1 response | May 15th, 2012

concerned

(story by T, a 28 yo Chestist)

Everything was going really well.  We've been living together for 2 years and I was so sure we were going to get married.  Now I'm not.

It's too obvious to say he's perfect for me I just think he might be.  At least I used to.  Then one night a few months ago we met her, a friend of a friend, and I could tell immediately there was something between them.  There wasn't actually anything between them they'd just met.  There was something though.  It sounds as dumb as saying he's perfect for me but I could see them connect on some unspoken level.  Like I think true-love happens.

It was obvious.  They were glued to each other for the rest of the night.  I know it was only talk because I was there. Since then it's been different between us. I don't think it's in my head, I think it's in his.  The thing is, I think he may be falling in love with another girl.  I'm not even mad, I'm jealous and sad.

I've tried to bring it up ...

Happy HatingHappyness is a Practice*

8 comments | May 14th, 2012

chestist blue

(story submitted anonymously, by a Chestist)

I'm not very good at being happy.

Don't get me wrong, I'm happy sometimes, but it feels strange, like shoes that need breaking in. It doesn't feel normal to me.  {end story}

Oh how we wish we didn't get this as much as we do.  What about you?  Does happyness* feel comfortable or like a new pair of shoes/  What about sadness?

*we spell happyness with a "Y" both because we think it looks better that way, but mroe relevantly becuase we think being our happyest and feeling more better requires understanding "why" we do and don't feel/like what we do.  Understanding the "why" can be as important as the "what".

 

Happy HatingBecause I’m…

5 comments | May 13th, 2012

different

(story submitted anonymously by a 23 yo Chestist)

Sometimes I feel less desirable because I'm black, isn't that terrible? {end story}

Have you ever felt less "desirable" because of a part of what you are?  Are there others you find less desirable because of what they are?

Why Can’t I Just Be Happy

5 comments | May 9th, 2012

happiness

(story submitted anonymously, by a Chestist)

I started a new job about 3 months ago and I'm so happy.  I'm learning and contributing.  I like my boss, like my co-workers and am making significantly more money.  It's all great so why is there this little voice in my head that keeps wondering when the honeymoon will be over.  Why can't I just be happy and in the moment?  {end story}

Does it ever seem like you're more present when things suck then when things are good?  When things are good and you feel great, do you swim in the happiness or keep witing for the other shoe to drop?

 

#lifestagesI Feel Inadequate

9 comments | May 7th, 2012

green eyed

(submitted anonymously, by a Chestist)

I...don't know what I'm doing. I feel stupid and inadequate because everyone else seems to know who they are and what they want and I'm just not confident enough in myself to do the same.

I feel like a failure; a failure who sits on her computer all day watching others live their wonderful lives and can only think 'I can do that' but doesn't have the balls to do it. {end story}

You ever felt like you're on the outside looking in?

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