Happy Hating




Happy HatingPutting My Kids Through a Wall

7 comments | May 6th, 2012


(story submitted by J, a Chestist)

I really love my kids.  There are times when I just want to put them through a wall.  Not to cause them misery or pain mind you, but to put them out of mine.  In case anyone's worrying, I really won't do it.  I just want to. 

It's just there are moments when for no reason at all, or lots of reasons altogether, I can't help but thinking that the one instant of release would be like an immediate full-body massage, total relief.  Kind of like my body screaming S-T-F-U for one minute WON'T YOU, PLEASE.

Then, of course, I feel guilty and sad, and my guilt and sadness pushes my frustration to the side and I hug and kiss them and tell them how much I love them.  {end story}

Probably not a lot of parents that can't relate to this story somehow.  Regardless of whether or not you have kids, has your frustration ever reached a point where you did something you really wish you hadn't done?  Remember, you can always share anonymously.  Go on and get it off ...

Love & SexConfidence Wrecker

9 comments | May 5th, 2012


(submitted anonymously by a Chestist, an OOC rewiind)

"Why does he still need to constantly talk to his ex?  He claims they're trying to be friends but why would you WANT to be friends with a girl that cheated on you? What does she have that I don't?  I'm always afraid he'll go back to her even though I did nothing wrong.  It's such a confidence wrecker and ruins my entire day." {end story}

Can you relate?  Any advice?  You think a relationship like this is heart-ache waiting to happen?



Happy HatingDownsized

5 comments | May 3rd, 2012

Chestist grunge

(story submitted anonymously, by a Chestist)

Losing a job can be hard. Thinking you're going to lose it and waiting to be told you have, well, that just sucks.  Here's her story:

My company is "downsizing".  I hate that word, "downsizing".  To me it's just a bad euphemism for "you're probably going to lose your job" and I'm so afraid I am.  Everyone's supposed to find out over the next few weeks.  I'll probably get an ulcer between now and then. 

I don't think the odds of being among those who aren't let go are that good.  I'm pretty realistic and know I'm only okay at what I do.  I'm okay with that.  I'm not okay with being unemployed and having to look for work and worry about money and cut-back on the very few small luxuries I allow myself now.  I'm not okay with that stuff at all.

It's also just like waiting for someone to die.  You know it's going to happen, but it's still weeks away.  How am I supposed to function while I wait for them to tell me I've been downsized? {end story}


Happy HatingUnder the Influence

6 comments | May 3rd, 2012

WTF Burst

(story submitted anonymously, a Chestist)

Everything was going along fine, I was feeling good, until this one guy at work who's known to be a jerk asked me if I'd gained weight.

Forgetting the whole inappropriateness of the comment, what's been sticking with and annoying me is that since he said it a week or so ago, I think about it everytime I see myself in a morror or catch my reflection somewhere.  Yes, I've gained a little weight but I don't really care about that.  I'll take it off, put it back on, take it off, whatever.  What I care about is that some jerk's words stick with me.  What I wonder about is why I'm so influenced by the negative words of people I don't care about and yet ignore and am usually so un-influenced by the words and opinions of people I do care about.

Why's some idiot have more of a negative influence than some one I love has a positive one? {end story}

Happy HatingTry As I Might

6 comments | April 30th, 2012

Chestist typewriter 2

(story submitted by F, a Chestist)

Some days I feel like no matter what I do it's not good enough for anyone, myself especially.  (end story)

Short but relatable.  You ever feel like your efforts aren't adding up to what you want them to?

Happy HatingAn Irrational Fear of Death

4 comments | April 27th, 2012

chestist black scratch

(story submiited by A.G., a chestist)

I think I have an irrational fear of death.  I absolutely have an irrational fear of death.

My father died when I was 16, my mother 3 years later, and my best friend died when we were 28.  I'm 33 now and every time I cough or feel a twinge or get a headache or pretty much anything, I think I'm going to die.  It's not being a hypochondriac as much as really thinking I'm going to die.

I wouldn't mind the fear as much if I lived a really robust life because of them.  You know, the whole live fast, die young, leave a good looking corpse idea.  I'm not though.  It's got me afaid to do anything, to build relationships, to even consider the long term.  Being afraid of dying soon is keeping me from living now.\

You have any "irrational fears" that hate on your happy?


#lifestagesWhen Family Goes Missing

7 comments | April 25th, 2012

chestist swirl

(submitted anonymously, by a 39yo Chestist) Is your family together?  Here's her story:

I have two daughters...1 is three years old and one is seven months...how do I empower myself to get family back together and strengthen ties for these precious beings with their uncle, aunt and most importantly...their cousins. Daughters, girls, women, mothers, sister in laws cannot sit back anymore and allow possible family connections and memories to disappear. Suggestions PLEASE.  {end story}  

Thanksgiving tensions aside, our extended familes can be an important part of giving our kids - to say nothing of ourselves - a sense of the past that helps contextualize the present.  How close is your exnteded family?  Does it feel more like obligation, habit, or joy?  Any advice for our writer?  Remember, you can help change her story if you share yours.

Love & SexMy Heart Aches

10 comments | April 25th, 2012


(story submitted anonymously, by a Chestist)

I broke up with him for all the wrong reasons.  It's only now that I realize it but he's moved on.  My heart aches without him.  My heart aches for him. {end story}

There's little that can so fully and completely hate on your happy like heart ache.  Most of us have been through it.  What's your story?

Happy HatingGetting Past Anger

6 comments | April 23rd, 2012


(by OOC)

Anger.  Some of us get there quickly, some of us are a really slow boil. 

Is anger an inevitable part of our lives?

What makes you angry (or who)?  How do you deal with it when you are? (Us, our heart beats fast, we get red in the face, and our typically not at our most productive.  Just saying.)

#lifestagesLosing My Dad

6 comments | April 23rd, 2012

chestist sad

(story submitted by "his girl", a Chestist)

My dad is sick and probably not going to make it much longer at all.  When I think about being in a world without him I get physically ill.  I know it can sound strange to describe your father as your best friend.  My dad is my best-friend though.

Growing up, there was nothing I couldn't say to him, tell him, share with him or ask him.  My mom and I were close (she died 6 years ago) but my father and I have always been so connected.  My husband loves him, and my children love their grandfather so much.  He is such a part of our lives and my life that I feel so lost already.  Who wil I turn to?  Who will I share with?  Who will listen to me and understand me the way he always has?

I know I'll always be his girl.  I just don't want him to leave yet.  I don't think I'll ever be ready. I know I'm not now. {end story}

Ever lose someone you were beyond close with?  How'd you get past it?  Have you been ...

#bodiesBody Image Buzzkill

10 comments | April 21st, 2012

Screen shot 2011-10-05 at 2.35.04 PM

(story submitted anonymously, by an 18 yo Chestist) ~ On Repeat

Yesterday we spoke at the Fashion Law Institute at Fordham about the Medi and Public Health Act.  Along with other panelists, the conversation touched on what we're eaching doing to perpetutate, create and/or change norms.  It's with this in mind, that we re-share this user-submitted story from Februrary.  Here it is: 


On our FB page the other day we posted a Teddy Roosevelt quote reading "comparison is the thief of joy."  No doubt, and to think he lived before mass, popular culture.  This reader writes us with a story that takes us to a similar space.  Here's her story:

I'm 18 and have been struggling with my body image since I was 12.

I've never been overweight, but compared to the girls in magazines and all over TV, I'm huge.  I've struggled so much with comparing myself to others, starving myself and purging. As hard as I try to not have these feelings, and I try to think "maybe I can be normal and healthy and accept my body" that mentality only lasts ...


6 comments | April 16th, 2012


(by OOC)

One of the best pieces of parenting advice we ever got was this.  You know when a baby cries?  Let the baby know crying is okay.  Don't try and shoosh away what the child is feeling.  Let them feel it.

Most of us, pick them up anbd gently start ricking them and shooshing them and saying something like "oh, don't cry.  Don't be sad, baby, it's going to be okay."

Why do we do that?  Why not let the baby cry and be sad on their way to being happier and feeling more better?  It's like we're demonizing an inevitable part of our emotional lives.  Sadness isn't bad, it's sad.  We all feel sad, we all will feel sad, and while hopefully we won't spend a lot if time in that space, we often don't give oursleves the permission to spend any time there.  Why is that?

How do you deal with sadness in your life?  How do you work your way throught it and past it ~ or don't you?  Do you let yourself feel all your emotions, or do you try and compartmentalize ...

#lifestagesHappiness, Wherefore Art Thou?

3 comments | April 13th, 2012

chestist enthralled

(story submitted anonymously, by a Chestist)

Is it just my life or does the whole world seem off its axis lately?  I feel like I've never worked harder, at my job, with my family, on myself and yet I'm like one of those hamsters or gerbils on one of those treadmills --  not getting anywhere.

I grew up really fortunate.  By any reasonable standard we were rich.  I never had to work, always had whatever I needed and even most of what I wanted.  I also had this sense that everything was going to work out well for me.  It's not like it hasn't so far because it has.  Good job, great guy, loving friends and all that.  It just doesn't feel like it has.  I want it to feel like it has, like it is and like it will be.  I don't know why I've lost my sense of optimism when I'm still so fortunate.  I want it back and I want to get off this hamster treadmill.  Happiness and satisfaction, wherefore art thou?  {end story}

Like that perfect-on-paper-date-but-not-so-much-for-us-in-real-life, sometimes things just feel wrong even when they seem like they ...

Happy HatingKeeping Me Small

8 comments | April 12th, 2012

Chestist typewriter 2

(story submitted by Tara, a 26 yo Chestist) 

i'm so scared that i don't know what i'm doing.

is this relationship holding me back and keeping me small?

should i be pursuing this career or am i crazy?

i just want to feel loved, nurtured and supported.

why do i feel like i can't provide that for myself? seeking strength right now. {end story}

Tara's wants and worries seem so relatable to us.  Have you ever felt like she does?  Can you relate?  How'd you get past it?  Or are you still swimming in it? 

Let's #discuss and get it off our chests. 

#chestismsMother May I?

7 comments | April 12th, 2012

Sketch 2011-01-30 18_54_33

(submitted by OOC)

If Sue Sylvester can have this kind of insight, thinkn what the rest of us are capable of: "You know when I finally began to like who I am?  When I decided to stop trying to please you." ~ (Sue to her mom)

You spend your time more worried about pleasing others than you are about pleasing yourself?  What do you think is the right balance?  Go on and #discuss.  We're listening.