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Love & SexOn Becoming a Nun

4 comments | April 11th, 2012

kiss

(story submitted by JS, a 28 year-old Chestist)

You know that line "if I didn't have bad luck I wouldn't have no luck at all"?  That's how I feel about my dating life.  If I didn't have bad dates, I'd have no dates at all.

I was in a 2+ year relationship until last May.  Since then I've had what seems like dozens of first dates and maybe 3 second dates.  It sounds so obvious to say there are no good guys in L.A. and it makes me despise myself a little bit that I've become another woman who complains about not being able to find a guy.  Why do I need to find a guy?  A guy will be lucky to find me!  I don't even know if it's a guy I want as much as to not have to look for one anymore.

A lot of my friends are already married and some are starting to have kids.  Sometimes I wind up feeling like I'm competing in a game of musical chairs with the girls I go out with.  I'm tired of looking.  I'm tired of bad dates.  I'm ...

#lifestagesA Stay-at-Home-More Mom

6 comments | April 11th, 2012

black explosion chestist

(submitted anonymously, by a Chestist)

I was working at home the other night.  I was trying to squeeze in what I thought was a last email, and a final look at something I needed for the morning.  I was only focused on what I was doing when I notices my youngest, who's 5 standing in the kitchen staring at me.  As she notices me noticing her, she says "mommy, why do you always work?"  I thought I was going to die and just felt so guilty.

I began trying to explain why I work a lot but everything seemed to fall short of being relevant.  Then I began to wonder why I do "always work", and wondered what I've missed because of it.  My career is really just beginning.  I love what I do and I'm good at it.  I'm not suited to being a stay-at-home mom.  I wish I was.  I can't help but wonder if I can be a stay-at-home-more mom.

In the battle on how to spend my time, it seems like for sure there's always going to be a loser. {end story}

You have any thoughts ...

#lifestagesWorst Day Ever.

5 comments | April 5th, 2012

chestist black scratch

(story by Nicole, a Chestist)

A few days ago we tweeted a question, asking what was the worst day you'd ever had.  Here's Nicole's story - about her 2 worst days ever.

My "worst" day got replaced with one even worse - it happened almost 2 years ago and shattered my reality.

At the time i was 38, the mother of two young children & married.  my parents' marriage was something i had always looked up to as the ultimate union - they were going to be celebrating their 40th year of marriage in the fall of 2010.  So when my father called me in May of that year to announce he was leaving my mom ---- i was not only shocked, but also very, very sad.  Not just for them, but for myself as well - my idealized version of their marriage was shattered.  i cried, my dad cried and then when my mom got on the phone, she just sounded numb.  She was as shocked as i was, as we all were.  My brother and his wife were completely caught off guard, as ...

#lifestagesWork:Life Balance is a Myth

4 comments | April 5th, 2012

dude, wtf

(OOC via FastCompany)

Say what?  Work:Life Balance is a myth?!  Knock-us over with a feather.

That;s right, from the files of things we already know, "work-life balance is a myth."

According to the fastCompany story, this myth is "compels many of us to view an ideal life as a set of perfectly level scales. On the tray on one side is your personal life. On the other side is your work life. With heroic efforts, you can keep both trays exactly level. If one starts to tip too far, you make some kind of nifty move that balances them again.  In reality, that perfect balance almost never occurs, except for those rare, fleeting moments when the trays pass each other on the way up or down--and we’re too frazzled to appreciate that brief moment of self-actualization anyway."

We don't mean to be all cyncial but um, yea.  Live it, got it.  The article does continue to say that what we really want is control, and thatwe tend to confuse a want for control with a want for balance, and that makes sense.

What would you rather have ...

#thecumulativeeffectHow Do You Deal With Stress?

10 comments | April 4th, 2012

stress1

Stress has got to be among the bigger haters on anyone's happy. 

No matter its cause, family, finance, love, work, something good might happen and you're waiting to see if it will, school, health...the list is as long and varied as the lives we lead.  Figuring out how to productively deal with stress can make a big difference in the quality of our lives and how happy we are.

So, how do you deal with it?  What signs does your body/mind send you that stress is running amok inside?  Getting it off our chests seems a fine place to start (get it?).  Stress.  #discuss.

#lifestagesBullied at 42

11 comments | April 4th, 2012

chestist sad

(story submitted by Mary, a 42 yo Chestist)

We may all grow older, but we don't all grow up.  Here's Mary's story:

Hi, I need advice.

I had a group of college friends (I'm now 42), we were all close. But I was the only one who didn't get married. I went through a depression, gained a lot of weight and basically went through hell. The ring leader "T" went of of her way to ensure everyone knew I gained all this weight and was depressed (instead of coming to me and saying how are you). Then apparently weird, lies were being told.

All I know is I got fat and depressed. But to hear weird lies, devastated me. I now do not speak to any of them. During my hardest days, they never called or came by, but many  said"Oh, "T" is saying a lot about you. It has isolated me and I am so sad. Their true colors came through.

My question is do I call "T" and give her my mind? Here's the deal, she will just protect ...

Love & SexNot Ready to Go

10 comments | April 2nd, 2012

poof

(story submitted anonymously, by a Chestist)

Ever been in love but not in-sync sexually?  That's the story she's living - with her husband.

i used to always be ready to go when it came to me and my spouse. but now i have no want ever! and it's just not good anymore, and i dont know why but i never ever ever get turned on.  The  things that used to dont now....

Why am i feeling like this!?!?!?!  I know im in love but.... i dont know what to do.  {end story}

Any advice?  Ever found yourself running out of sexual steam for your partner?  What'd you do?  Share your story., won't you?

#lifestagesGuilt

12 comments | March 29th, 2012

Get Busy Living

(story by 'A Mountain Momma', a Chestist; originally 4.25.11)

I have things I need to do. Supposed to do. Have to do. They are not done. I think about them constantly, but I do not do them. And I feel guilty about it. All. The. Time

I thought if perhaps I unloaded here and made a list it might prompt me into doing these things, these chores, these monkeys on my back.

I am going to print out this list and put it on my fridge and check them off as I do them. Let's hope it works and this list does not instead start mocking me instead of helping me.

Here goes:

1. I need to change my name. It has been 2.5 years, really get on it Girl!

2. I need to change my oldest daughter's name. **See above.

3. I have to call the cable company and bitch at them about our bill. I just need 3 hours to set aside to be on hold is all.

4. I have a laundry basket, dryer, and washing machine upstairs full of laundry in various stages. Calling my name.

5. I need to ...

Love & SexI Married The Wrong Guy

7 comments | March 29th, 2012

chestist sad

(story submitted anonymously, by a Chestist)

I'm thinking about leaving my husband.  I think I married the wrong guy.  I'm still young, I don't want to spend my life waiting for him to be the man I thought he was.  I'm so afraid to give-up and afraid to be "divorced" before I'm 28. My mother would never let me hear the end of it.  What if I never find anyone else?  {end story}

Have you ever stayed in a relationship that wasn't working, just because you were afraid to get out of it?  Do tell...

 

Happy HatingThe Space Between Extremes

7 comments | March 28th, 2012

chestist blue

(story submitted by R.T., a Chestist)

Balance seems like happiness.  It's one of those things so many of us strive for and too few of us find and hold on to.  Here's her story:

There are times when I think there's nothing I can't do.  There are times when I think I can't do anything.  I feel like my life is a pendulum swinging between emotional extremes.  I don't mean to make it sound like I've got BPD or anything, it's just that I feel like things are always going right or always going wrong and I just wish I could find and feel some balance.  I don't mind extremes, not the highs or the lows. I just wish I could spend some time in the middle for a while.  {end story}

What about you...you ever find yourself bouncing between polarities and that, like R.T., everything's either one way or another?  How do you bring yourself back to centered when the pendulum is swinging to and fro?  Remember, you can change her story if you share yours.  XO

 

Love & SexSuspicious Minds

4 comments | March 27th, 2012

green eyed

(story submitted anonymously, by a Chestist)

Jealousy and suspicion can be quite the happiness haters, don't you think?  We got this story from one of you:

So, I brought a new friend, who happens to be single, over to hang out with me and my friends. I had my boyfriend with me, as he always is, and she was talking about meeting his friend who's also single.

So we hung out all day and all night, and the next day I had to go to work. But in the morning, when I was supposed to take her home, my boyfriend insisted on doing it, and I felt very uneasy about it. Why do I feel so insecure about letting him run a friend home? I've never felt like that before, but then again, he's never tried to be alone with any of my friends before. Should I confront him? Should I even ask? I don't know what could ease my mind. {end story}

What do you think - should she ask?  How would you react in the same situation?  You think she's making a mountain out of a ...

#lifestagesFlying the Helicoptery Skies

41 comments | March 27th, 2012

astronauts

(story by Mir, from Woulda Coulda Shoulda) We all know that post-9/11 air travel is a completely different reality than what most of us grew up experiencing. (I say "most of us" because I recently met a woman my age who'd never been on an airplane. That kind of blew my mind. I'm talking about people who had experienced commercial air travel pre-9/11 as opposed to folks who have only had the dubious pleasure of the TSA-nanny-state experience we all get to "enjoy," now.) I am one of those people who finds the new regulations... well, they're annoying, sure. It would be much nicer to just walk into the airport, locate the proper gate, and head on over, yes. But I prefer having to remove my shoes and put all my toiletries into a quart sized Ziploc bag to, say, having my plane blown up by crazy people, so the bottom line is that I'm not that bothered. In fact, I am almost always selected for either a full-body scan or a spot-check of my carry-on luggage, and---given that I am, I think, a fairly regular ...

#bodiesGetting Pregnant. And Not.

6 comments | March 26th, 2012

true

(story submitted anonymously, by a Chestist)

As far as we can tell here @OOC, procreation the "old fashioned way" is increasingly unusual.  So many of our friends (to say nothing of us) have had struggles with pregnancy - both when it's wanted and not - (and as a tangential aside, Rick Santorum can kiss our ass, but we digress).  Here's her story, a story of struggle - and optimism:

I made the conscious choice, as a single woman, to stop taking birth control 2 years ago. I had been on it for almost 20 years, in some shape or form! (Patch, Pill, Shot.)

I know I want children, and was worried about the effects of these types of drugs. When you're younger, the fear is so the opposite!  My partner and I now are trying to conceive. It’s scary, not only having put my body through the abuse of genetically altered hormones, but a family history of failed pregnancies, and infertility.   My partner is a huge support, and has been by my side every step of the way. We have conceived once, unfortunately ...

#lifestagesBully

13 comments | March 20th, 2012

rated wtf

(story submitted by Dina Gachman, from Bureaucracy for Breakfast)

My three-year-old niece had to get glasses a few months back. Her specs are flashy and pink and she adores them (she’s a mini fashionista), yet seeing her so proudly push the glasses up her nose for the first time, one of my first thoughts was: “If any kids make fun of her I’ll kill them.” Obviously that’s an exaggeration, but the knee-jerk reaction to her innocent little accessory came from a fact most of us know all too well: Kids can be cruel. Bullying happens, and it’s not pretty.

Last night I got the chance to see the controversial documentary BULLY. If you haven’t heard, the reason it’s controversial isn’t because it’s a heartbreaking, honest, raw look at real kids across the US being physically and verbally pummeled by their classmates while their teachers and administrators shrug it off. It’s not because it frankly looks at what it’s like to be a gay teen in a small Oklahoma town (newsflash – it’s hell), or because it doesn’t sugar-coat the horror of parents dealing with the suicide of ...

#lifestagesI Struggle Everyday

8 comments | March 20th, 2012

fist

(story submitted anonymously, by a 20 yo Chestist)

Sometimes we're held back by things within our individual control, and sometimes by things outside our control.  And then sometimes the things that might hold us back actually push us forward.  Here's her story: My disability feels like a lead weight around my ankle.

Thanks to my ADD, it takes me so much longer to do anything than it does my friends. It takes more effort to pay attention to everything, even just a conversation. I'm in college, at a public university with classes commonly as large as 500 students. I want to go to vet school, one of the hardest professional programs to get into. I struggle every day. I never get a break. And sometimes? I feel like I'm just lazy. Or that I don't work hard enough. That I'm using it as a crutch. It doesn't help when people say that it isn't a real disability or even anything other than looking for an excuse to fail.

But the thing is, as much as it breaks me down, beats at my confidence, makes me completely ...

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