Happy MakingHope Bounces Back

4 comments | May 16th, 2012


Yesterday was not a very good day.  A bunch of things that were supposed to work out didn't.  Maybe that means they weren't supposed to; maybe I just wanted them to.  Yes, I wanted them to.  At least any one (or two) of them.

The hard part wasn't so much that they didn't work out ~ it was just dealing with the loss of the optimism I'd had that they would.  Optimism and hope are good.  They keep you moving forward.  That's not always a good thing, but it usually feels good even when it's not.  A loss of optimism sucks.  You can quote me on that.

We all need reasons to believe.  We need to believe in what we're doing, to believe in the roads we're on, what we've chosen and not, the hands we've been dealt and not.  When belief gets punched in the nose it hurts and makes you a bit woozy.

Here's the thing though.  I was sitting around, not so much feeling sorry for myself as I was just feeling badly and trying to figure out just why the fuck things couldn't be easier ...

Love & SexA Friend of A Friend

1 response | May 15th, 2012


(story by T, a 28 yo Chestist)

Everything was going really well.  We've been living together for 2 years and I was so sure we were going to get married.  Now I'm not.

It's too obvious to say he's perfect for me I just think he might be.  At least I used to.  Then one night a few months ago we met her, a friend of a friend, and I could tell immediately there was something between them.  There wasn't actually anything between them they'd just met.  There was something though.  It sounds as dumb as saying he's perfect for me but I could see them connect on some unspoken level.  Like I think true-love happens.

It was obvious.  They were glued to each other for the rest of the night.  I know it was only talk because I was there. Since then it's been different between us. I don't think it's in my head, I think it's in his.  The thing is, I think he may be falling in love with another girl.  I'm not even mad, I'm jealous and sad.

I've tried to bring it up ...

Happy HatingHappyness is a Practice*

8 comments | May 14th, 2012

chestist blue

(story submitted anonymously, by a Chestist)

I'm not very good at being happy.

Don't get me wrong, I'm happy sometimes, but it feels strange, like shoes that need breaking in. It doesn't feel normal to me.  {end story}

Oh how we wish we didn't get this as much as we do.  What about you?  Does happyness* feel comfortable or like a new pair of shoes/  What about sadness?

*we spell happyness with a "Y" both because we think it looks better that way, but mroe relevantly becuase we think being our happyest and feeling more better requires understanding "why" we do and don't feel/like what we do.  Understanding the "why" can be as important as the "what".


Happy HatingBecause I’m…

5 comments | May 13th, 2012


(story submitted anonymously by a 23 yo Chestist)

Sometimes I feel less desirable because I'm black, isn't that terrible? {end story}

Have you ever felt less "desirable" because of a part of what you are?  Are there others you find less desirable because of what they are?

Love & SexLow Self-Esteem, No More.

7 comments | May 13th, 2012

Chestist Shares

(story submitted by Alicia, a 21 yo Chestist, on OOC rewind )

What we love about this is that it's 1 of you talking to and sharing with all of us. Nice, right?  Here's her story:

I've always been a person with low self-esteem and used to think nobody could love me with all my flaws and my negative view of life.

But now I've learned the lesson: you don't have to be perfect to love and be loved back.

I understand life is unique, and I'm the best me. There's no other you in the world, so play your best role. Now I'm with a boy that loves me for who I am and understands beauty is something relative. He thinks I'm beautiful and that I'll always be.

I hope this helps you. {end story}

We love this, and like Alicia, we hope it helps too.  And again, we also want to throw some love to Alicia for writing and caring enough about others to share what she's learned and learning.  That's cool.


#lifestagesHer Last Mother’s Day?

8 comments | May 11th, 2012

chestist sad

(story submitted by Theresa, a Chestist)

This year's mother's day is bittersweet. On the one hand I derive much joy in my own role as mother. On the other hand I must accept that I am losing my mom, whom I admire and adore.

My mother has ALS, a gradual but unstoppable atrophying of her muscles. She lives in FL, I live in NYC- Skype keeps us in touch. It limits how much of her decline I see. But it's still happening, even if I can't see it.  In the last three months she has lost the ability to transfer out of and into her wheel chair. This newly revealed bit of info does not bode well in terms of her beating the "average" ALS patient's lifespan of 3-5 years. She was diagnosed just before my son was born. My son is two and a half.

I am expecting a second son this August, and as mother's day approaches, I have been aware that my mom is unlikely to get the chance to hold him. Perhaps her health will hold long enough for us to visit her and set an infant ...

Why Can’t I Just Be Happy

5 comments | May 9th, 2012


(story submitted anonymously, by a Chestist)

I started a new job about 3 months ago and I'm so happy.  I'm learning and contributing.  I like my boss, like my co-workers and am making significantly more money.  It's all great so why is there this little voice in my head that keeps wondering when the honeymoon will be over.  Why can't I just be happy and in the moment?  {end story}

Does it ever seem like you're more present when things suck then when things are good?  When things are good and you feel great, do you swim in the happiness or keep witing for the other shoe to drop?


#lifestagesI Feel Inadequate

9 comments | May 7th, 2012

green eyed

(submitted anonymously, by a Chestist)

I...don't know what I'm doing. I feel stupid and inadequate because everyone else seems to know who they are and what they want and I'm just not confident enough in myself to do the same.

I feel like a failure; a failure who sits on her computer all day watching others live their wonderful lives and can only think 'I can do that' but doesn't have the balls to do it. {end story}

You ever felt like you're on the outside looking in?

Happy HatingPutting My Kids Through a Wall

7 comments | May 6th, 2012


(story submitted by J, a Chestist)

I really love my kids.  There are times when I just want to put them through a wall.  Not to cause them misery or pain mind you, but to put them out of mine.  In case anyone's worrying, I really won't do it.  I just want to. 

It's just there are moments when for no reason at all, or lots of reasons altogether, I can't help but thinking that the one instant of release would be like an immediate full-body massage, total relief.  Kind of like my body screaming S-T-F-U for one minute WON'T YOU, PLEASE.

Then, of course, I feel guilty and sad, and my guilt and sadness pushes my frustration to the side and I hug and kiss them and tell them how much I love them.  {end story}

Probably not a lot of parents that can't relate to this story somehow.  Regardless of whether or not you have kids, has your frustration ever reached a point where you did something you really wish you hadn't done?  Remember, you can always share anonymously.  Go on and get it off ...

Love & SexConfidence Wrecker

9 comments | May 5th, 2012


(submitted anonymously by a Chestist, an OOC rewiind)

"Why does he still need to constantly talk to his ex?  He claims they're trying to be friends but why would you WANT to be friends with a girl that cheated on you? What does she have that I don't?  I'm always afraid he'll go back to her even though I did nothing wrong.  It's such a confidence wrecker and ruins my entire day." {end story}

Can you relate?  Any advice?  You think a relationship like this is heart-ache waiting to happen?



Happy MakingNever Happier

8 comments | May 5th, 2012

chestist typewriter

(story submitted anonymously, by a Chestist)









My Message: I'm never happier than when I dance. I'm not terribly good at it, but I love it. {end story}

Ok, so here's the thing we love about this.  We love to dance too.  And we suck at it.  So we don't do it very much...because we don't want to look like a jerk. (Anyone see the Elaine Dancing episode of Seinfeld?)  We find it so inspiring when someone doesn't let their inhibitions or not being very good at something keep them from doing something they love.

What's one thing you love doing?  When are you "never happier than"?

What's one thing you might do more of if you thought you were better at it?

Who wants to come dancing with us tonight?  Let's get our happy on!

Happy HatingDownsized

5 comments | May 3rd, 2012

Chestist grunge

(story submitted anonymously, by a Chestist)

Losing a job can be hard. Thinking you're going to lose it and waiting to be told you have, well, that just sucks.  Here's her story:

My company is "downsizing".  I hate that word, "downsizing".  To me it's just a bad euphemism for "you're probably going to lose your job" and I'm so afraid I am.  Everyone's supposed to find out over the next few weeks.  I'll probably get an ulcer between now and then. 

I don't think the odds of being among those who aren't let go are that good.  I'm pretty realistic and know I'm only okay at what I do.  I'm okay with that.  I'm not okay with being unemployed and having to look for work and worry about money and cut-back on the very few small luxuries I allow myself now.  I'm not okay with that stuff at all.

It's also just like waiting for someone to die.  You know it's going to happen, but it's still weeks away.  How am I supposed to function while I wait for them to tell me I've been downsized? {end story}


Happy HatingUnder the Influence

6 comments | May 3rd, 2012

WTF Burst

(story submitted anonymously, a Chestist)

Everything was going along fine, I was feeling good, until this one guy at work who's known to be a jerk asked me if I'd gained weight.

Forgetting the whole inappropriateness of the comment, what's been sticking with and annoying me is that since he said it a week or so ago, I think about it everytime I see myself in a morror or catch my reflection somewhere.  Yes, I've gained a little weight but I don't really care about that.  I'll take it off, put it back on, take it off, whatever.  What I care about is that some jerk's words stick with me.  What I wonder about is why I'm so influenced by the negative words of people I don't care about and yet ignore and am usually so un-influenced by the words and opinions of people I do care about.

Why's some idiot have more of a negative influence than some one I love has a positive one? {end story}

Happy HatingTry As I Might

6 comments | April 30th, 2012

Chestist typewriter 2

(story submitted by F, a Chestist)

Some days I feel like no matter what I do it's not good enough for anyone, myself especially.  (end story)

Short but relatable.  You ever feel like your efforts aren't adding up to what you want them to?

Happy HatingAn Irrational Fear of Death

4 comments | April 27th, 2012

chestist black scratch

(story submiited by A.G., a chestist)

I think I have an irrational fear of death.  I absolutely have an irrational fear of death.

My father died when I was 16, my mother 3 years later, and my best friend died when we were 28.  I'm 33 now and every time I cough or feel a twinge or get a headache or pretty much anything, I think I'm going to die.  It's not being a hypochondriac as much as really thinking I'm going to die.

I wouldn't mind the fear as much if I lived a really robust life because of them.  You know, the whole live fast, die young, leave a good looking corpse idea.  I'm not though.  It's got me afaid to do anything, to build relationships, to even consider the long term.  Being afraid of dying soon is keeping me from living now.\

You have any "irrational fears" that hate on your happy?