The Single Life




#lifestagesHe Lied About Me

4 comments | September 25th, 2012

chestist sad

(by "Breezy", a 21 yo Chestist)

I think we can all agree, sometimes some people suck.  This story is one of those times:

A good friend of mine lied to his friends and the guy I've been dating about sleeping with me. I just want to know why. I don't understand. It really, really hurts me, and it makes me feel sick, used, and betrayed. {end story}

This ever happen to you...where someone, let alone a good friend, made up a story about you...somethingthat was so false and hurtful and left you wondering wny and WTF?  What happened?  How;d you deal with it?  How'd you get past it - or haven't you?

If you haven't, we say let it go.  it's doing nothing good for you.  But either way, share your story here, won't you?


#lifestagesCrying About This

4 comments | September 9th, 2012


(by Sally, 34)

I was a 17 year old virgin, with no self-esteem.  He was older, good looking, naughty, and paid a lot of attention to me.  We hung out for a while, but I knew if I didn’t sleep with him, he would move on.  The night came.  I did it, but didn’t want to.  It was awful.  He dumped me anyway, and it turns out you CAN get pregnant your first time.  I just wanted it to all go away, and so did my parents.  They took me to go have the pregnancy terminated, which was also awful. 

In this paragraph, you can just use your imagination, and fill in what kind of self-medicating, self-destructive behavior you can imagine a very broken girl, in her 20’s does to herself.

So now, after a major rock bottom, I’m 34, and I’m all cleaned up.  I’m 3 years sober, my career is great, my mortgage is on time, and I finally have some peace.   There’s one very large broken piece though, that rips my heart out and haunts me.  I want children.  I want them now.  I’m single, and there’s no one ...

#lifestagesForcing Myself to Be Single

4 comments | June 17th, 2012


(story submitted anonymously, by a chestist)

I've almost always had a boyfriend since I was 12.  From my first kiss to last night, I've never been "single" for more than a few weeks.  I'm no closer to marrying my current boyfriend than I was 12 year-old Rudy.  I've had 2 relationships that lasted for more than year, and one that went fpr almost 3 years.  Most only last a few months.  As soon as one ends I start dating and as soon as I start dating I always get serious.  

I worry sometimes that I'm afraid to be alone and that I should learn how to be.  I'm dating a nice-enough guy now but I know there's nothing long, long term in it.  I think about breaking up with him and forcing myself to be single for a while. It's got to be good for me. {end story}|

You think it'd be good for the writer to spend some time "alone"?  Why (or why not)? 

Love & SexI Had Sex With Your Cousin.

5 comments | April 16th, 2012

Chestist typewriter 2

(story submitted by RES, a 19 yo Chestist)

Sometimes our past can intrude on our present.  Here's her story:

The guy I've been dating wants to make it official and is getting upset that I keep putting my decision off. I really do want to be with him because he's great, but before I ever knew he existed on the planet I slept with his cousin (two night stand, two years ago)...I don't want to bring it up, but I also do want him to just magically find out 2nd hand. I don't know what to do. {end story}

Here at OOC HQ, we don't think RES has anything to be uncomfortable with, and that she should say something because a lie of omission is a lie nonetheless.  But some people react strangely to things like who else we've slept with.  What do you think she should do?

Love & SexSuspicious Minds

4 comments | March 27th, 2012

green eyed

(story submitted anonymously, by a Chestist)

Jealousy and suspicion can be quite the happiness haters, don't you think?  We got this story from one of you:

So, I brought a new friend, who happens to be single, over to hang out with me and my friends. I had my boyfriend with me, as he always is, and she was talking about meeting his friend who's also single.

So we hung out all day and all night, and the next day I had to go to work. But in the morning, when I was supposed to take her home, my boyfriend insisted on doing it, and I felt very uneasy about it. Why do I feel so insecure about letting him run a friend home? I've never felt like that before, but then again, he's never tried to be alone with any of my friends before. Should I confront him? Should I even ask? I don't know what could ease my mind. {end story}

What do you think - should she ask?  How would you react in the same situation?  You think she's making a mountain out of a ...

Love & SexFalling In Love

15 comments | March 16th, 2012

cloudy talk burst

(story submitted anonymously, by a Chestist, an OOC repeat)

Falling in love is the most easy and most amazing feeling in the world.

Falling out of love is the hardest and most painful.

What is love though? You can't see it, you can't touch it or smell it or hear it or any other senses. You can only feel it. Bond with it. Understand it. But to fall correctly and to fall greatly are two completely different things. But only when you fall utterly and irreplacably in love is when you have it right. But how do you know? You don't. There is no signs that say I'm the one. No messages in a bottle showing up at your doorstep giving you the secret to love, life, and laughter.

With that said, I have always had difficulty telling the difference between crushes and love. I always thought falling in and out of love was the hardest experience that affection and attraction gives to you. I was wrong. The absolute worst is when you're completely unsure. When you fall head over heels for someone only to realize you may also ...

Love & SexToo Soon To Marry?

6 comments | March 15th, 2012


(story submitted by Kristina, a Chestist)

Sometimes we get what we think we've always wanted only to find out maybe it's not what we want now.  Here's her story:

I'm engaged to a loving, wonderful man. But I find myself thinking about a friend of mine an awful lot. 

I wonder if I'm not in love with my fiance..or if it's my insecurity about myself. Am I really marrying someone I don't love....or do I just want to make sure I could get someone else if I wanted? He was my first boyfriend. Maybe I feel like he's the only one I could get, because I don't think I'm beautiful. He could have anyone...but I don't feel very chosen...and my friend makes me feel like a rare jewel.

I don't know. I'm still young and maybe I'm just not ready to submit myself to the will of another yet.  I've barely touched freedom to my lips and I'm giving it up before I even take a bite? {end story}

While we're pretty sure "submitting to the will of another" ought not be part of any marriage, we ...

#chestismsAmy Sedaris, a Chestism

7 comments | March 14th, 2012


(first submitted by OOC: 12.14.10, then again, today)

Here's Amy Sedaris, in an interview for Psychology Today:

"They assume that I want a boyfriend, and yeah, that I'd probably like to get married and have a baby - but they're wrong."

Why do we love it, you ask?  Because it speaks to the expectations of others, and how Amy acknowledges them and dismisses them - as not what she wants for her.  To us, in a lot of ways, it's the essence of what we're hoping OOC helps you do for you...realize what you want, and what you don't...get closer to understanding the things that hate on your happy (and why they do) and the things that make you happier (and why), so you can spend more time on the happier than the hating. ever find yourself confronting the expectations others have of what you should want, and thinking nope, they're wrong?  You ever say anything to them?  Tell us about the when, whos and whys.  Yea, expectations can be such a buzzkill.  #Discuss.


Love & SexScared to Leave

16 comments | March 13th, 2012

chestist sad

(story submitted anonymously, by a 22 year-old Chestist)

We couldn't help but think of that Jack Nicholson line "you can't handle the truth."  Sometimes the truth is hard to handle.  Here's hers:

My story: I think my relationship is over and I'm too scared to leave. [end story.]

12 words, and a whole big story.  Ever been in her shoes, Chestists?  Knowing or at least being pretty sure something's over...a relationship, a friendship, a job...but being too scared to leave because of what may or may not be on the other side?  What was it?  What'd you do?  Sounds like sister could use some advice, so please, share...

Love & SexNo Love

4 comments | February 4th, 2012


(story submitted anonymously, by a 19 yo Chestist) 

Love shows up later for some of us than it does others.  Those for whom it takes its sweet time, seem to feel they're missing something that they ought not be.  This reader does and here's her story:

I've never had a boyfriend. I'm turning 20 in February, and i feel that i haven't accomplished anything love wise. When i was younger i imagined my life way differently then what it has ended up to be, and now i feel i have no more time to day dream because i'm here, and it's now, and it's nothing...{end story}

Do you feel you've "accomplished anything love wise"?  How has falling in love, being in love - or not - changed how you look at the world?  And what about our writer...what words of advice can you offer her?  Is turning 20 without having had a boyfriend reason to panic and consider life empty?  Us, we think hell no, but share what you think here (and now).  XO, OOC

Love & SexUnlucky at Love

4 comments | January 17th, 2012


(story submitted anonymously, by a Chestist)

Unlucky at love; it's a not-uncommon theme here @OOC, and a big (BIG) happiness hater.  But when you think about it...of all the people you know, how many would you consider lucky at love?

I've never had much luck in the Love portion of my life. Always watched love movies and watched all my friends go through it again and again but nobody ever noticed me. Am I just invisible or what? It makes me feel like I'm crap or that I need one of those love potion no.9's.

Advice please?  {end story}

What about you - lucky or unlucky at love?  Who'd got some advice to share with a Chestist asking for it?  Bring your game and your stories.  Remember, if you share yours, maybe you'll help change hers. 

Happy HatingI’m a Horrible Person

7 comments | December 19th, 2011

Chestist typewriter 2

(story submitted anonymously, by a 27 yo Chestist)

Sometimes, despite ourselves, we do what we don't think we should.  For her, this is one of those times.

I'm a horrible person, I'm lying to my boyfriend, have been for the past year, I honestly don't want to keep lying to him but I feel I've dug myself too far in! Help! What should I do?  {end story}

What think ye?


Love & SexI Like My BFF

7 comments | December 17th, 2011

broken hearted

(story submitted anonymously, by a Chestist)

Unrequited love; it's such a bummer...

I've liked my best friend for the better part of two years. I may even love him, but he'll never look at me like that.

The disgusting thing is, instead of getting upset that he doesn't like me, I'm angry at myself that I haven't gotten over it yet. {end story}

You ever loved - or been loved - by a bestie, or a boss, or a cousin, or anyone who for some reason, whatever reason, was never going to look at you like that?  Talk about hating on your happy.  How'd you deal with it?  Like our writer, were you mad at you for not getting over it?  

Love & SexIt Would Break My Heart

3 comments | December 14th, 2011


(story submitted anonymously, by a 20 yo Chestist)

The song says that "sorry is the hardest word."  Sometimes, maybe.  Other times it might just be "goodbye."  Here's a story from one of you about not being able to say it:

After my three-year relationship with my first love ended last January, I started dating another boy. Whilst my first boyfriend treated me well most of the time, when I look back I don’t think that we had a huge amount in common. In general, he treated me very well, and I overall I consider him to be a very good guy. But I was not very confident and allowed myself to defer to what he wanted a lot of the time, not just in terms of sex, but in terms of where we would go out to eat, what we would spend the day doing, what I would wear. I could have been more assertive; he didn’t force me to do anything I didn’t want to do, but perhaps he could have learnt to take compromise a little better.

Since then, I dated an international student from my university ...

Love & SexThe Tell-Tale Ring

32 comments | November 28th, 2011

Chestist grunge

(story by Clarisse Thorn, a Chestist)

So, I have this ex.  I dated him for a long time, but we haven't really talked in ages.  I suspect that I hurt him pretty bad when he dated; he hurt me pretty bad, too.

I've written about him only a few times.  For instance, I wrote about him when I discussed my history of figuring out how to reach orgasm, because he ... was not a good sexual partner.  He pressured me in a lot of unpleasant sex-related ways.  During one fight, he even shouted at me that he didn't care about my sexual satisfaction.

I know that he was manipulative.  I know that he ignored my needs.  And I know that he hurt me.  But I also believe that he loved me.  I know he understands me deeply, and respects me in a lot of ways.  I know I was important to him, and I know I wasn't always the most reasonable partner myself.

Where is the space for me to reconcile these things?

I once wrote a long post about him that got very different ...