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Happy HatingLying Liars

1 response | June 28th, 2012

lies

(story submitted anonymously by a Chetsist)

I've just broken up with the most dishonest person I've ever known.  I look back and can see so many lies told.  None of them were huge in and of themselves.  All of them add up to huge and to it being so clear I can't trust this guy at all.  So many little lies.  Too many.

I always had had a sense, and then when I caught him in the first lie I didn't do anything.  I should have.  Then once that one was clear and out, all the others become easier to see until it became intolerable.  I think it should have been intolerable a long time ago.  It makes me angry at myself for being so desperate for something to work that I totally ignored that it wasn't and couldn't.

Part of me wants to tell everyone we know what a liar he is.  I won't though.  Now I'm out and moving on, and I will not make the same mistake again.  Liars suck. {end story}

You ever been the victim ~ or the perpetrator ~ of ...

#chestismsHappier, Later. A Chestism.

12 comments | June 27th, 2012

chestismsmall

(submitted anonymously, by a Chestist)

One of you wrote us with this.  It's so simple, true and important to remember:

Sometimes you have to do something that hurts now to be happy later. {end story}  

When have you had to do something that hurt now to be happier later?  Remember, if you share your story you can help change hers.

Happy HatingEmpty

6 comments | June 25th, 2012

road back

(story by GLH, a Chestist)

My emotional tank is on empty.  {end story}

This is a short story to be sure, but probably one to which a lot of us can relate.  When you feel like this what do you do to help yourself feel more better?

#lifestagesWords and Memories

10 comments | June 25th, 2012

fear

(story submitted by Her Cousin, a Chestist)

We were at my cousin's house.  I'm pretty sure I was 8 or 9. 

My father was sitting with his sister, having a smoke, when I walked up to him and said - not really meaning it and for some reason thinking it would be funny (it wasn't) - "you have to choose.  me or the cigarettes", at which point I turned and walked away.

Hysterical, right?  I remember my father's response just as clearly.  He said (not knowing I was trying to be funny) "I hope that's a choice you won't make me make."  I'm 8 or 9 and I've just unintentionally put an ultimatum in front of my father.   The thing is, I remember having this doubt after he said that where I wasn't sure what choice he'd have made.  That didn't feel good.  * or 9 and I may have lost to a cigarette.

Sometimes now and all these years later, I wonder if that one moment, that one response to a joke that wasn't funny at all, has influenced me negatively.  Why do I remember ...

#thecumulativeeffectHBO’s “Girls” & Self-Entitlement: Do I Know How Lucky I Am?

4 comments | June 24th, 2012

chestist soup

(story submitted by Erin, a Chestist)

We don’t have HBO, or cable for that matter, so I’m a teeny bit behind the ball when it comes to television culture. But thanks to the bounty of blog posts and attention given to Girls, I feel like I know enough about the show that’s taken the media world by storm. Everywhere I click boasts the show’s success or criticizes its lack of diversity, which in turn allows me to offer my ten cents on a show I’ve never even seen. And thank God because when the happy hour/cocktail party/dinner conversations steer away from politics, engagements or graduations I feel a great sense of relief. I can contribute something to the conversation even if it’s about make-believe, overindulged, self-entitled, motivationally-challenged white women.

As it turns out, I have more in common with them than I would have guessed.  I shamefully caught a glimpse of former self while reading the exchange between one of the Girls characters and her parents, “I could be a drug addict. Do you realize how lucky you are? I mean, it doesn’t have to be heroin. It ...

#lifestagesThey Say They’re Ok With Who I Am

12 comments | June 21st, 2012

green eyed

(story submitted by a 17 yo Chestist)

I don't understand why they can't just be happy with who I am.  They're family.  You'd think they'd be nice to their daughter and granddaughter, especially after knowing I self-injure but that just made things worse. I love my family but its hard sometimes.  They say they're okay with who I am but they disapprove of everything I do and everything I stand for.  {end story}

Doesn't matter how old you are or aren't; you ever feel like those closest to you are judging who you are and what you do?  How do you deal with it?

#lifestagesI Am No Longer Comparing

5 comments | June 20th, 2012

change

(story submitted anonymously, by a 33 yo Chestist)

Sometimes what we see is not what we get.  Check out her story:

I was staring in the mirror.  Noting every flaw, every change, every thing I wished were different.  I was picking myself apart - more observationally than negatively, and wondering how what I had once been had become this 33 year-old version of me now, when I found myself saying "wow, you don't look very good."

Just as suddenly and actually taking me by surprise, I found myself saying "it is what it is and you are what you are."  And I smiled at my reflection, and walked away feeling pretty good about the me that I am and no longer comparing it to the me I used to be :-) {end story}

Truth, the happy ending here took us by delightful surprise.  How's about you, Chestists? What do you see when you look at you in the mirror?  However it makes you feel, why do you think you feel that way?   What needs to happen or change for you to feel (even) better?  Let's #discuss.   

Love & SexWonder If He Ever Thinks Of Me

6 comments | June 19th, 2012

Alone

(story submitted by Kelly, a Chestist)

Every now and again I think about him.  I wonder where he is and what he's made of his life since we said goodbye.

I wonder if he has someone in his life and if she makes him happy.  I wonder if he ever thinks of me.

Saying goodbye wasn't easy even if it was right.  Learning that love isn't always enough wasn't easy either even if it is true.  {end story}

Ever find yourself in a relationship where love just wasn't enough?  How'd you deal with it (or haven't you?)

#bodies“She Has a Problem, And You Know It”

8 comments | June 18th, 2012

black

(story submitted anonymously, by an 18 yo Chestist) The bedroom lock clicks as she blasts on some music. Once satisfied with its volume, she mindlessly walks into the bathroom and locks the door behind her. She heads over to the sink and washes her hands. As she directs the soap on her index and middle finger, the conversation she heard after dinner plays back in her head… ------------------------------------------- The knot in her stomach tightened as she peered through the cracked door. Her brother grabbed their father by the shirt, making himself heard. “She has a problem, and you know it.” ------------------------------------------- Working quickly, she pulls back her hair into a tight knot, and finds a large headband to cover up the rest of the mess. Her father switched to Tamil; everybody was in for it now. “She has as much of a problem as my son does taking his eyes off a damn computer screen. No one’s stopping you! It’s just something she does to cope.” Her brother persisted in English. “But it hurts.” ------------------------------------------- She looks at the toilet, and washes her hands again. “Is ...

#chestismsPlease Give Me a Sign

5 comments | June 18th, 2012

Faith

(story submitted by E.B., a Chestist)

I'm so sick of not knowing which way to go or what to do.  I just wish someone would give me a sign from somewhere.  I worry I'm not going to figure it out on my own and will make the wrong decision.  I feel fucked.  {end story}

You ever look for signs from somewhere else?  You ever get one?

#thecumulativeeffectSexual Double Standards

6 comments | June 17th, 2012

double standard

(story submitted by DS, a Chestist)

My best guy friend had a threesome and ever since he told me about it the first time I've had a fantasy about having one (not with him). 

I love sex.   2 guys and me -- twice as many hands, tongues, lips, arms, legs and bodies doing all the things bodies do.  I mean, come on.

I don't think it's ever going to happen.  The perceptions of a guy who has a threesome is so different than if a girl does.  As archaic as I think that is I don't know if I can deal with it.  It's not like a lot of people would know but there's such a double standard.  Some fantasies are meant to stay fantasies I guess. {end story}

DS' story reminds us of Kevin Smith's movie Chasing Amy (with Ben Affleck).  You think there's a sexual double standard for women and men?  What can we do to change it?

#lifestagesForcing Myself to Be Single

4 comments | June 17th, 2012

goldfish

(story submitted anonymously, by a chestist)

I've almost always had a boyfriend since I was 12.  From my first kiss to last night, I've never been "single" for more than a few weeks.  I'm no closer to marrying my current boyfriend than I was 12 year-old Rudy.  I've had 2 relationships that lasted for more than year, and one that went fpr almost 3 years.  Most only last a few months.  As soon as one ends I start dating and as soon as I start dating I always get serious.  

I worry sometimes that I'm afraid to be alone and that I should learn how to be.  I'm dating a nice-enough guy now but I know there's nothing long, long term in it.  I think about breaking up with him and forcing myself to be single for a while. It's got to be good for me. {end story}|

You think it'd be good for the writer to spend some time "alone"?  Why (or why not)? 

#chestismsLessons Presented As Challenges

11 comments | June 14th, 2012

rising podos

(story submitted by Tara, a 21 yo Chestist) I want to be free. I feel like I'm sitting on a fence. I was born on that fence and realized I was there when I was 4. Now I want to jump off and run away. I just feel like it's time. I want to leave my old ways behind, my weed smoking, wall kicking, screaming, angry, scared self. I want to say "fuck you, thank you" to everything in my life that is a lesson presented as a challenge. Fucking pain in my body, lessons in my archive. I'm going to be fine, I just have to be patient. {end story}

Have you learned any lessons that were first presented as challenges? 

Happy HatingI Still Want a Dad Though

13 comments | June 14th, 2012

chestist black scratch

(story submitted anonymously, by a 20 yo Chestist)

My whole life I've basically loved my dad more than my mom. I feel horrible for sharing that.  i mean i love them the same i just showed the love more to my dad. My dad was scary at times but i just couldn't help but love him still and when he was nice and sweet it reassured my love. He paid for everything, always was the man of the house.  he was strict and i never wanted to get him mad, and you know what writing this now actually has made me realize that maybe i loved him more or cared for him more because he had expectations and my mom didn't.

It was almost like a challenge to stay within his love lines i guess you can say, i didn't want to cross that line and have him be disappointed. that was life up to a month or so ago. It turns out he's been seeing another woman behind my mom's back. Everything just stopped.  i didn't want to be loved by him any more.  there ...

Love & SexFinding Myself

7 comments | June 13th, 2012

chestist enthralled

(story submitted anonymously, by a Chestist)

Within the last few months I’ve fallen for a wonderful guy: there’s mutual respect, trust, attraction, the works—and though we’ve not yet gone much beyond the ‘making out’ stage I have, yes, fantasized on occasion about taking things further. But. While the fantasies where I was topping were great, the one with positions reversed flooded me with sudden panic. (Editor's NOTE: some of you may immediately know what "topping" is, we didn't.  So we looked it up.  Topping refers to the dominant role in a dominant/submissive relationship.  Thought this would help provide some context.) And when I looked back, and tried to figure why something so – not exactly innocent, but normal – had reduced me to this, this 'edge-of-tears' state, all I could think about was an incident last October, where a relatively new acquaintance violated the boundaries I had laid out as conditions for any activity. When this acquaintance seemed troubled about it some days later, I committed the mistake of saying, without thinking, that it was – okay? Not so bad? Didn’t need to be thought about ...

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