Confidence Wrecker

9 comments | May 5th, 2012

(submitted anonymously by a Chestist, an OOC rewiind)

"Why does he still need to constantly talk to his ex?  He claims they're trying to be friends but why would you WANT to be friends with a girl that cheated on you? What does she have that I don't?  I'm always afraid he'll go back to her even though I did nothing wrong.  It's such a confidence wrecker and ruins my entire day." {end story}

Can you relate?  Any advice?  You think a relationship like this is heart-ache waiting to happen?




  • Anonymous

    Posted on May 4, 2011

    Advice you didn’t ask for…let him do what he needs to do. If he needs to talk with her and that means he wants to be with her, you’ve got to deal with it sooner or later. Better sooner.

    If you can’t trust him, get out.

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  • Mir

    Posted on May 4, 2011

    Slightly different take: Have you two really talked about this? Because it bears figuring out if you’re being insecure or if he’s doing something he shouldn’t. Either way, if you’ve expressed how uncomfortable it makes you and he’s done nothing to reassure you and/or limit the contact somewhat, that’s telling you something.

    I have a problem with people who want to “forbid” their partners from talking to old flames—to me, that speaks to irrational insecurity—but I think it’s okay to ask for a little respect here. If he’s truly “constantly” talking to her and knows it upsets you… there are bigger problems afoot.

    I’m sorry you’re hurting.

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  • Eva@OOC

    Posted on May 4, 2011

    I think Mir makes a great point. You’ve got to communicate your feelings. That said, I understand what he is doing. I think we all have trouble with rejection, so we go back to the”betrayer” to try to figure out why we were wronged. Make any sense?

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  • Melanie

    Posted on May 5, 2012

    I think you should get out of this relationship ASAP! He sounds like he’s stuck on his ex. Find someone who’s stuck on you.

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  • AshleyR.

    Posted on May 7, 2012

    Someone who stays ‘friends’ with an ex has issues. More bad then good can come from this.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted on May 11, 2012

    I was sort-of in the space of “that ex” once. I might still be. (Even though he was the one to cheat break things off.) He kept pushing for conversation even afterwards. I felt unable to say “no”. It doesn’t feel so uncomfortable now, but that’s three years down the line. At the end of the day, though, I’ve moved on. (Given that he still feels jealous over any new relationship I so much as consider? he hasn’t.)

    Anonymous, this absolutely isn’t an easy position to be in. Just remember that at the end of the day, any decision he makes is his responsibility. Not yours. And if he goes back to her, that’s a reflection on him, not you. Equally, he could be being completely honest with you! Once our doubts start to colour things, anything can look like cause for concern.

    (On a tangent, this sort of thing is why I absolutely loathe the song “Lips of an Angel”.)

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