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High School Romance & Lessons Learned

3 comments | January 27th, 2012

(story submitted anonymously, by a Chestist)

If you manage to make it out of High School in one piece it can be easy to look back on those loves, lusts, and infatuations and laugh at the intensity and future-of-the-world import they all carried.  When we're going through them though, there's nothing funny about it them all.  Nope, nothing.  Here's her story:

I'd had feelings for him since we met. We’ll call him Lewis. My sophomore year he asked my friend Nicole to homecoming after playing us both at the same time for a while. It was a slap in the face, so I asked him to Turnabout. He said yes, but then started dating a girl we’ll call Shelly, so I told him he could go with her instead. He then asked another of my good friends (Elizabeth) to prom, a third slap in the face, to hide the fact that he had been cheating on Shelly with my friend Claire. They broke up and, as you can expect, started dating Claire for real. I pretended not to know about the cheating because Claire is one of my best friends, and she and Lewis actually made a cute couple.

They broke up 2 weeks before I broke up with my boyfriend, and I was pretty much Lewis’s therapist during this time. He was also mine. I confessed my fear that I was afraid my boyfriend had gotten bored with me and that it would be years before someone liked me ever again.

I also told him I hated my body, especially my breasts and that I hadn't gone far with my boyfriend (boob touching, not even 2nd base), and that I felt uncomfortable with anything beyond 2nd base because I was waiting for marriage and because, to be frank, the idea of a blow job totally grosses me out. Strong gag reflex. He was shocked by this, and I eventually ended up revealing that I didn't know how to orgasm and that I wasn't even entirely sure about my own anatomy down there. He decided to attempt to teach me how to find my sexuality. he gave me detailed instructions on how to give myself an orgasm, even though what I really needed was for somebody to tell me that I was not a freak. He was trying to fix me. To him, I was raw material he could sculpt and then place on a pedestal, never to be touched again.

About a month after I broke up with my boyfriend, Lewis and I went into a nearby large city together. Remembering me telling him about my hatred for my boobs, he took me to Victoria's Secret and bought me a $60 bombshell bra. That night, as we are driving home, we got lost and stopped to eat. After dinner, we lay in the back of his car and ended up spooning for around 15 minutes. It was the first time I had ever felt an intense physical attraction to anyone.

Driving back, I asked him if he had intentionally been trying to lure me in. He said he didn't know. He also said that he thought he might have strong feelings for me, but wasn't sure if it was just because he had broken up with Claire and needed to be with someone. so we decided to wait a bit and see what this was before we decide to act on anything. Eventually, he told me that he didn’t want to ruin our friendship. My heart was broken, but I understood. Still, I loved him so much, I wanted to be the rebound, although I wanted it to turn into something more as well.

Then he asked out Elizabeth without telling me at all. I didn't find out until I directly asked him, like, a month after it had already happened. So, since she was also his close friend, clearly friendship wasn't the issue he other wasn't attracted to me, or knew I wouldn't put out.

He then told Elizabeth everything about her I had vented to him before I knew they were dating. Her told her about my intense jealousy, my fear that she would overpower me.

Elizabeth hated me.

He did this because he "doesn't keep secrets form his girlfriends." Even though those weren't his secrets to share

Essentially, I got to a really bad place and started physically punishing myself because i didn't know what was wrong with me. I didn't know why I would never be good enough for him. Th truth is that I could never live up to his vision of me. I would never be that perfect girl. i could only be me. i punished myself for not being beautiful, not being smart, not being sexy.

We kinda made up over the summer, and I kept trying to repair what had happened, but he didn't like that. I kept asking him when he wanted to get together before he left for college, and he kept saying “idk,” so I finally gave him a time, and he said, no, he had to pack. So essentially, I ended it. We completely sopped all conversation.

Lewis for a while told me who I was, and inadvertently, who he thought I was supposed to be. He created another me. One that I would never live up to
and part of it was my fault. I allowed him to push me around. I didn't really know who I was, so when he started telling me who he thought I was, I thought he was correct.

The horrible thing about Lewis is that he lives to fuck up relationships. He fucked mine up with Nicole by deliberately creating this horrible rivalry between us. He fucked mine up with Shelly by making her terrified of any female friends of his. He fucked mine up with Elizabeth by spilling all my secrets to her. He tried to fuck mine up with Claire by asking me to pick sides once they broke up, but I wouldn’t. i told him that if anybody tried to force me to pick sides, I would side with the person not forcing that choice upon me.

When he told me he wouldn’t be able to see me before he left despite his constant promises, I knew that we could never be friends again. All of his hurt simply began to outweigh the “help” he had given me throughout the years. I was afraid that I would never be able to continue without him, but as soon as I did, I began to grow. My horrible self-esteem began to rot away. I was accepted into my first choice for college (SARAH LAWRENCE!!!!), my acne cleared, and I realized just how beautiful and smart I really am.

He texted me at the beginning of December, about 2 months after we fought. The text said, “Hey.” It was as if he had just expected me to respond, “Oh, hi! How are you?” When I didn’t, he texted me again 30 minutes later with, “I’m sorry.” Just that. No actual apology, no admitting to his faults. He never texted me again. We haven’t actually had a conversation since the end of September, and I couldn’t be happier. {end story}

Ok, your turn.  Let's share stories of high school romances, and what they taught us and/or can teach someone else.  On 3…go.  Oh, wait, for every comment we get by the end of the week, we'll give a new storybook to an under-priveleged girl through our friends at FirstBook – so your story really can and will help someone else!
 

3 comments

  • KF

    Posted on January 27, 2012

    It was a long time ago. All I’ll share now is that my 10th grade world revolved around JV. Where JV went, I would follow. That crush might have been the only thing that got me to Geology class that year!

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  • Anonymous

    Posted on January 27, 2012

    If only I’d had a H.S. romance :( 4 months left to find out if I will.

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  • Katherine

    Posted on January 27, 2012

    Ha…. Yeah…. First bf scarred me for life (a post all on its own), so I found solace in someone equally awkward and unprepared for dating. We taught each other how to kiss and started to figure out what felt good. Just low grade petting, really. But it was everything I wanted. He and I seemed to have an understanding. He was remarkably unobservant (I had my butterfly moment and lost the braces, got contacts and cut 37 inches off my hair in the course of a weekend and he…. Well… Didn’t notice. Though, when it was pointed out by his best friend, he said I looked nice), but he was sweet and we parted amicably. He’s married now and I hope she’s everything he ever wanted, he certainly deserves to have someone wonderful.

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