How Do I Cope?

3 comments | July 5th, 2012

(story submitted anonymously, by a Chestist)

my dad's a drunk…

…although i have many great people who are willing to talk to me or just listen. im so tired of them acting like they know how i feel or that its gonna get better. IM. SO. TIRED. OF. IT. because they dont! they dont know how it feels to be scared coming home from school, or being embarassed to have your friends over because your dads passed out in the living room, etc. and STOP TELLING ME ITS GONNA GET BETTER. because its not! the only way its gonna get better is if he wants to get better and he doesnt. he doesnt. so no dont tell me you know how it feels. i get that everyone has problems but no one should have to live with this because it SUCKS. it really does…the thing is, my mom and i both want to leave but we cant unless we want to be broke…how do i cope with this…i dont know what to do and i want it all to stop. {end story}

When you can't fix it, leave it or accept it ~ what should you do?  Any advice for our writer?  Remember, if you share your story you may help change hers.



  • Krista

    Posted on July 5, 2012

    Being broke may be a better alternative than the one you’re both living with now. I do not know and do not mean to say it is but it could be.

    If your father is getting violent or being abusive please call the authorities.

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  • J.M.

    Posted on July 5, 2012

    No one can know how you feel, and no one can fix this you except you and your mother. Your friends do not mean to make you angrier or more sad. They’re trying to encourage and help and probably don’t know how.

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  • Lily

    Posted on July 5, 2012

    You know why people do that? They do that because they’re uncomfortable with your (entirely legitimate) sadness and anger.

    You have two options:

    1. Stop telling them.
    2. Call them on their shit.

    If #2, that goes something like, “Oh. Really? So what day is it going to get better on, because I want to mark my calendar.”

    But what you should really do is Option #3: Get to an Al-Anon family group meeting so you can stop being so wrapped up in the drama of the alcoholic of your family. People have eight million excuses why they don’t want to go to these meetings, and aside from living in Siberia, they’re all crap.

    It was there that I developed my three rules for dealing with alcoholics:

    1. I won’t help you self-destruct. (That means no, I won’t run to the store for cigarrettes or a fifth. I won’t even fetch you a beer, nor will I call in sick for you or make excuses to family members about why you didn’t come to that birthday party).
    2. I won’t get into an enclosed space with you if you’re drinking. That means I’m not getting in your car, and I’m not staying in the room with you while you drink or use.
    3. I will not shut up about it. I won’t keep secrets for you, and if I feel like it, I will tell people EXACTLY what’s going on.

    It’s not clear if you are still living with your family or whether you’re an adult with your own place. If you’re still under 18 and living at home, that really sucks. Believe me, I know exactly how you feel. Do whatever you can to make yourself feel better that isn’t destructive or self destructive and HAVE A PLAN. If the adults in your life drink or use, THEY DO NOT HAVE A PLAN FOR YOU. Their plan involves getting to their next drink, and god help you if you get in the way. You’re going to have to have a plan for yourself. So what is it? Get to a library, get to the shelves on career and education, and start figuring it out.

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