I’m Normal

2 comments | January 6th, 2012

(story submitted anonymously, by a Chestist)

Oh how we love this story sent in by one of you, let us count the ways:

What if they find out I'm worried about what they think about me? What? Seriously, tha's about as anxious as you can get – worried that they'll know I'm worried. It is twisted.

That's what's been going on in my head lately. Here's the deal. I have been working really hard the past 2.25 years or so, at cleaning up my life. After a decade of living like the long lost member of Motley Crue (circa 1985-1989ish), I kicked the booze, cigs, bad food, naughty friends, and replaced them with water, chewing gum, healthy food, and well, nobody. I'm OK though. I have a couple girls at work that I'm close with, great parents, and a couple of awkward online dating dates here and there. That's enough for now. What I am struggling with, however, is trying not to make this recovery turn into the never ending quest for perfection.

Right now, I'm in the so-proud-that-I've-got-things-together-don't-ever-let-anyone-know-I'm-still-human mode. Somewhere along the line, in my life cleaning, I got all tangled up in being worried about how much worry, regret, and/or anxiety, is the “normal person” amount. I figured that only people with dirty pasts like mine had stuff to worry about. For some reason, I was under the impression that if I still had those yucky feelings, it meant that I wasn't “cured” yet. It meant I was still broken, and that I wasn't getting better (enough). A few short years ago, I would have numbed these feelings with excess. Now, that's not an option.

Now, my way of dealing with this stuff is to dissect it, and figure out how to fix it. So, I did what everyone else does when they have to become an instant expert. I Googled. I ran across blog after blog about different methods of coping, dealing, feeling, and letting go. I found books, I found crack-pot websites that try to trick you into buying a miracle cure, I found spells, I found a gazillion sponsored sites for medications. As I researched, learned, and researched some more, I found lots of great tools. I was starting to get some ideas about how to sort through some of this crap. Then, it dawned on me. If there's THAT MUCH information out there, and sooooo many people are chiming in on blogs, and writing books, and even airing their dirty laundry on social networking sights in order to purge, or get advice, or whatever…it means….wait for it….wait for it….I'm normal!

That's all I ever wanted in my whole life, to be like everybody else. Everybody has problems. It's nothing to be embarrassed about, and I' m definitely not alone. It's quite a relief. {end story}

What about you, Chestists?  Do you feel normal in your not-necessarily-normal-ness?  What do you think about what this Chestist shared?