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WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND?

It’s Just Really Complicated.

13 comments | January 21st, 2012

(submitted by Alia, a Chestist.  Oringinally posted in May, and again today)

Ok, this is us @OOC being serious.  This story was submitted by a young girl who's clearly, really and deeply struggling.  And we're printing it because we want her to know we're all listening, and maybe some of us have something to say or share based on our own experiences and the roads we've traveled that can help her, or others like.  Here's what she says:

"Anorexic, hated, quiet, shy, Cancerian, in love, awkward, easily embarrassed, cut myself, hit myself, choke myself, make myself cry, cry every night, proper loner although i have a boyfriend who I love <3. 

I basically hate life, haha not doing this for attention or to whine, but everyone hates me and everyone I trusted bitched about me, still does, even my family does. Won't bother meeting anyone cause I'm fucking shy, unlikeable and so fucking boring. God dammit I'm fucking unsymmetrical and so spotty and whatever I'm thin, but I'm fucking flat and I hate my nails and eyebrows and I've got spots EVERYWHERE and even though people say im pretty, God help me, I fucking hate myself. I've been crying for ages, and my cuts still burn me cause ive just cut myself…you lot probably wont even bother reading this but if you have then thanks, cause I don't fucking know who to trust and hahaha ive honestly got nobody to talk to andandand i hate my family like fuck. I get no privacy, my dad would KILL me if he knew i had a boyfriend, and well it's just really complicated. Thanks."  {end story}

If you've got something to share, we bet Alia will appreciate it.  We do.

13 comments

  • Anonymous

    Posted on May 27, 2011

    I don’t want to shout “therapy” and pretend like that’s the ultimate answer, but I had similar issues and therapy really, really helped me. It just felt good to talk about it, to say it out loud, to someone whose only job it is to help you.

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  • KD

    Posted on May 27, 2011

    I am sorry things are so hard for you right now. So sorry, and I can so relate. I promise that with a little time it will get easier. Please take care of yourself. It will get easier.

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  • OOC

    Posted on May 27, 2011

    Trevor Project is a great resource for kids in need of immediate help.

    http://www.thetrevorproject.org/

    1-866-4 U- Trevor

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  • Myra

    Posted on May 27, 2011

    The years before college were the hardest of my life. It just seemed like everyone and everything was against me. There were days when I just did not know how to make it through or who I could talk to. I felt totally alone.

    But you know what, I wasn’t. Neither are you. I promise. Be as strong as you can be, but also let yourself feel the struggle That’s what will make you stronger and that’s what will help see you through. You will get through this. You will get through this.

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  • Anna

    Posted on May 27, 2011

    I’m so sorry that everything feels awful right now. Please just remember that there are people who care, and who will listen. This blog is one of the many outlets you can use to vent. You’re not alone, and there are people out there who can help you through this.

    My dad would have killed me if I had a boyfriend too, at least when I was in high school. He was mean and abusive, and so was the rest of my family. It fucking sucked. But I had my own hopes and dreams, and that’s what got me through all the shit. Take what you love, what you’re passionate about and make it YOURS. Latch onto it and never let go. It will help get you through this.

    You’re not boring. You’re brave, you’re strong, and YOU CAN DO THIS. If you think people hate you, fuck ’em. You deserve better than that. As for cutting, always remember that you only have one body. That body is yours and yours only, and just because people decide to treat you like crap doesn’t mean that you should take it out on yourself. You’re beautiful and you’ll always have people like us to tell you so.

    Don’t be afraid to ask for help, because there are people who devote their lives to helping girls and guys who are going through situations just like yours. Their passion is helping you, and they care. Guidance counselors, therapists, online forums, hotlines…they’re there for a reason. Never give up on yourself or your future.

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    • Brini

      Posted on May 27, 2011

      I so agree with everything Anna said. You should never be afraid to ask for help. Not now, not ever. Only the strongest amongst us know that we ALL sometimes need help. Be strong, Alia. -Brini

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  • OOC

    Posted on May 27, 2011

    Hey, Anna…if you hear someone clapping right now, that’s us for you. Thanks for being part of this and for using your words to try and help someone else. XO, OOC

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  • Lindsay

    Posted on June 22, 2011

    Alia,

    Everything with your family that is bad for you now will serve you well as examples of how not to treat others and yourself. You’re going to grow up, move out and have your own life. I have had your exact experience that you described. I promise you that if you think about how your family has acted and made you feel, you will find understanding and compassion for others and yourself. It is going to get better because your’e going to make it get better. All that starts with making a decision to accept and love yourself first. You’re worth it, have a lot of good to give to the world one person at a time. You are good. Think on how and why you feel so terrible, trace it to what ever earliest origin you can. Everything we struggle with in life started before our twenties. while you’re in the most important stage of developing your core identity, it’s easy for your ego to blind you and make you unable to see past this time. It will get better. It got better for me. I stopped cutting. I stopped hating myself. Cutting is unexpressed emotional energy. What things are you thinking about when you do it? Why should you suffer when you could heal?
    You’ll have to say fuck’em and let their behavior go. If you can help, great, but if no…let go. Also be aware that our culture does nothing to encourage us to feel good in a deeply lasting way or even bother to tell us that we are human and whole now. Western culture gave birth to the freakin’ Real Doll. It’s clear that you should not be hating yourself. Hate the culture for telling girls what to be and making them into Brats dolls. All the shit that has come to you so far has been second hand. It already affected everyone you’ll ever meet, it got to everyone in your family too. You’re good. Look around you at others and think about their feelings. Everyone else hurts too. A larger view of your day to day world will help you find your way through your feelings. There is a bigger problem here and it’s not you…just what you decide to do with it.

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  • CuriousKitty

    Posted on November 15, 2011

    Alia, I know this might sound over-used and boring, but things will get better. I was exactly like you only a few years ago. I had these feelings every night. I hated everything, including my family and even my boyfriend. All I can cay is that it gets better. When you’re feeling down, go look at the “It Gets Better” project videos on youtube. I know, they might not seem like they apply to you, but they help. And thanks to the person suggesting the Trevor Project.

    The thing that made it better for me was getting away from my family and from the places I was comfortable in. I’m going to college far enough away from my home that I only go back a few times a year. Hold out for the time when you will be able to get away from everything and just…leave

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  • Rachael

    Posted on January 23, 2012

    Believe it or not, your self-worth doesn’t come from your so-called family, your friends, or your boyfriend. I see a woman who is hurting, but I’m here to tell you that you are created for a PURPOSE. You have a purpose in life that no one else can do and you were uniquely created to do that purpose. Your purpose isn’t to trash yourself until you are beneath a blanket of nothingness. You may hate yourself, but I see a beautiful woman who is worth everything, a precious gem. I pray you will look in that mirror and see all of us here, smiling right back at you because girl, you are absolutely GORGEOUS to me. (HUGS)

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  • Nicole

    Posted on January 24, 2012

    You don’t say how old you are – but trust me: THINGS WILL GET BETTER!!! I cringe when I think back on how I used to feel about life when I was a teenager. Not to say that once you hit some magic age everything becomes perfect, because that just won’t happen. I think that as you get older and experience more of life you come to understand things differently……
    You sound really depressed and from my experience therapy and medication may help you to feel better – I just turned 40 and entered therapy for the first time at the age of 34 and am on meds. Both the talk therapy and meds have helped me so much. I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL —– I was a cutter & still struggle with it from time to time. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!!
    Please try and tell yourself that you are unique, special and worth every bit of self-love that you can muster. I know it’s hard to believe, especially coming from someone that you don’t even know, but if you work on it, you can feel better.

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