Not Getting Any Better

8 comments | March 8th, 2012

(story submitted anonymously, by a Chestist)

This story's heartbreaking.  The writer's best friend has been in and out of hospitals because she's been self-harming and is suicidal.  And as most of us can probably relate, when someone we love is hurting – we can feel the pain and hurt as if it were ours.  And sometimes it is. This is but a small part of her story:  

I feel worse everyday, I hate waking up only to discover my dreams are better than reality- my crush is there, my friend is happy, and if my dreams are what Heaven's like, then God just let me die. I love my best friend, and it's literally KILLING me that she wants to kill herself…. and I have the feeling she's really NOT getting better. {end story}.

What words can you offer, what experiences or stories can you share that might help?  Have you ever loved someone – whether a friend, a parent, a child, a grandparent, a sibling – who is struggling as this writer's friend is?  Did you feel it as acutely as she does?  How'd you get through it?  Remember, sharing your story can help change hers – for the better.

(And for those out there having trouble seeing light through the darkness, please, please know you're not alone and please, please, don't do anything to hurt you.  For those who may need it help right now, please reach out to http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org or 1.800.273.TALK.)



  • Gerda

    Posted on March 8, 2012

    My BFF died of cancer when we were 26. She had been sick for 2 years and so in some ways the end came as a blessing. We’d been BFF’s since we were 8, and in so many ways she wasn’t just my best friend she was more like my significant other.

    When she was gone there was a void in my life that I didn’t know if I could ever fill. There was also a guilt because in some ways I finally felt free of the pain that hadn’t just been hurting her but I realized had been really hurting me too.

    3 years later and I still miss her every day. I also feel better and have begun living a life I realize I had put on hold to help care for and be with her. Sending you a long hug.

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  • NoLoveLost

    Posted on March 8, 2012

    To feel pain for another is a sign of your true humanity. It sounds like you’re hurting so much. Remember, you can not take care of anyone else if you are not first taking care of yourself.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted on March 8, 2012

    There have been times in my life when I thought maybe I should kill myself. It just seemed like it would all be easier for me and others and I was just so tired. I am so glad I never listened to those voices. Life is so precious and I got the help I needed to feel better and start feeling good. Now I have a beautiful family and a life I am grateful for each day. Never, never give up.

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  • Kay

    Posted on March 9, 2012

    Totally get why you are feeling so awful. Maybe you should get some support for YOU. Check with the hospital where your friend is for support groups for friends of patients. I did a support group a few years ago and it was a huge help. Other people understand what you re going through. They cn help, and it will help you understand what is going on with your BFF.

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    • Eva@OOC

      Posted on March 9, 2012

      Kay makes a great point. There is nothing like a group of people who are experiencing the same thing. Please get yourself some support. Your friend has people looking out for her (you included). Now it’s time to get some help for you.

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