Revoking My Own Feminist Card

9 comments | October 31st, 2011

(story submitted by Peva, a Chestist)

Message Body:

I thought I was a modern woman of the twenty-first century, but lately I'm starting to question that.

Ironing my husband's shirts? Check.

Doing my darnedest to make sure I've got a hot dinner waiting for him? Check.

Moving to a new city and state for his job and redefining my career? Check.

I love caring for him and love the life we've created, but sometimes I wonder how I'll find my own ideal balance between playing wife and being my own woman. {end story}.

Ah, life.  Sometimes even when it's good it forces us to make compromises and choose between a and b.  Actually, often times it does.  Whether you're married or not, you ever find yourself being pulled in two directions…torn between what you're doing, want to do – and maybe even what you thought you'd always do or be?



  • Ms. Meese

    Posted on October 31, 2011

    I laughed with you on this, relating rather completely. I’ve been so amazed as to how my life has fallen so neatly and easily into gender stereotypes regarding the division of labor. When did I become my mother? When did the 21 century start looking so much like the 1950s? How did I become the “little woman” who takes care of most everything and everyone?

    Like you, I’m happy with it on a day to day basis. It’s when I think about who I am and how it conflicts with my sense of what i thought I’d be, that I scratch my head and wonder who it came to pass.

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    • Momof2

      Posted on November 1, 2011

      I never thought I’d be a stay-at-home mom, Then it took many years for us to start our family, and by the time we finally had kids I wanted to be the one who was with them,and had the most influence over them. I have always been a control freak, and the kid thing kicked it into overdrive. I just know I do it better than anyone else could. :) So, I am Lucy Ricardo. I am at peace with it, most of the time.

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  • B.T.

    Posted on October 31, 2011

    There are 4 competing forces in my life.

    1. My kids
    2. My partner
    3. My job/career
    4. My self

    #3 never sacrifices. #1 is never asked or expected to sacrifice. #s 2 and #4 they’re not getting much attention at all.

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  • Gwen

    Posted on October 31, 2011

    LOL. My BF and I have been living together for 3 years. We both work, both have thriving careers and despite it being 2011, we both seem to gravitate naturally to the same roles our parents had. I cook, he cleans. I do the grocery shopping and dry cleaning, he mows the lawn and deals with “fix-it” chores.

    Even though I’m not going to give my feminist card back I really do see your point.

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  • Sara Jane

    Posted on October 31, 2011

    I just sent this to my sister!

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  • Phoebe

    Posted on November 1, 2011

    I still live with my mom and dad and see their relationship like something out of a 50s movie and, like they’ve told me a million times, they both marched for the ERA in the 70s. How’s this happen? I do not want it to happen to me.

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  • Mama's Tantrum

    Posted on November 1, 2011

    I have a different take on this because I’m married to another woman and we indeed split the chores according to our comfort zones. She usually cooks and does the dishes while I usually do the house projects and yard work. When it comes to parenting, equity wins out as we volley dreaded diaper changes and enjoy one-on-one time with our Nugget. But as a lesbian couple, we don’t question our roles and we certainly don’t face the scrutiny of other feminists. It’s the one privilege we enjoy. As I bear witness to my heterosexual friends who struggle against landing in gender roles while existing in loving, respectful relationships, my heart aches at the judgement they experience from colleagues (ex or otherwise), friends, family members or from within. It strikes me that for our generation it’s not just the fact that gender roles are still so prevalent, but there’s an added pressure that they somehow shouldn’t be, as if our feminist values are unchallenged by the downward pressures on today’s families. The struggle itself devalues the contribution of our work and sacrifice, because it distracts from the fact that we are doing what we can for ourselves, our relationships and our families. Let’s be frank, without us, this world would go to shit. In my view, we all effing rock and we’re still effing feminists, whether we’re doing the dishes or taking out the garbage!

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