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Not Ready to Go

10 comments | April 2nd, 2012

(story submitted anonymously, by a Chestist)

Ever been in love but not in-sync sexually?  That's the story she's living – with her husband.

i used to always be ready to go when it came to me and my spouse. but now i have no want ever! and it's just not good anymore, and i dont know why but i never ever ever get turned on.  The  things that used to dont now….

Why am i feeling like this!?!?!?!  I know im in love but…. i dont know what to do.  {end story}

Any advice?  Ever found yourself running out of sexual steam for your partner?  What'd you do?  Share your story., won't you?

10 comments

  • Anonymous

    Posted on April 2, 2012

    Sure, there are books that will tell you all the things you can do to keep sexual fires burning over time. It is hard though. Sexual passion and routine are not friends. Not suggesting that you can’t shake up sexual routines with someone you’ve been with for what seems like forever, but it’s not easy and not uncommon to get to a place where it’s just going through the physical motions without the physical or physiological heat.

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  • MCS

    Posted on April 2, 2012

    I love the advice Dan Savage gave about maintaining a long-term sexual relationship. Be giving, be good, be game. It applies to both partners, and if your husband isn’t you need to talk to him about it.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted on April 2, 2012

    Monogamy is hard to do.

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  • 2KT

    Posted on April 2, 2012

    Have you tried talking about your fantasies or role playing or toys or going away? Anything to breathe new air into it, or is it really him that’s not working for you anymore? It’s sad but it happens.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted on April 2, 2012

    There are great therapists out there who specialize in sexual issues. Would you be up for that?

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  • Anonymous

    Posted on April 6, 2012

    Look into your physical or mental health. Look into prescription drugs or vitamins you take. Look into the strength of your relationship; often sex is the first thing to go, when the connection starts to break down.

    Look into your stress levels and whether you’re getting enough sleep.

    Look into porn or something to find out what does get you ready to go, now that you have changed.

    Jack off. Sexuality, for women, often seems to require a habit; if you don’t get any, you stop wanting any. Then you feel pressure because you want to want some, and that just makes you even less likely to get your sexy on.

    Spend time connecting physically but nonsexually with your husband. Agree in advance that you’re not intending to have sexy times; just touch and be touched.

    You might also try spending some time connecting with sensuality in other ways. Eating something delicious, and luxuriating in it, without guilt. Feeling the sun and wind on your face. Stroking a pet’s fur. Smelling the flowers. Listening to the ocean or the birds or the wind. All these things can help get you connected with your body, get you really feeling what you’re feeling.

    good luck.

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    • K

      Posted on April 29, 2012

      Look ladies, this is the first time I’ve ever seen this website. I’m a 27-year old woman marrying (in just over a month) the manliest man I’ve ever met; we’ve been wrestling (or… not?) with a sex life that’s dead due to school, stress, depression, & body image(s). And the previous comment — that one right there, that ends in “good luck” — is some of the best business I’ve seen on the interwebs in months. Consider me a newborn Chestist. Glad I’ve found you all.

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      • OOC

        Posted on April 30, 2012

        Thanks, K. We’re glad you found us too. And we agree…our readers write in with some solid, solid advice and thinking. See you back here – often, we hope. XO, OOC

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  • Anonymous

    Posted on July 10, 2012

    I’ve had this problem for almost two years now. We’ve been married almost five years now. I know it started because of work stress but it’s gotten better, but i just have no interest whatsoever anymore. I feel it’s more of a chore and for a while, I would just let him go just so it would be over with and I would be left alone. I did that for a while and finally I just got so fed up with it that I would get angry instead, and that caused fights. I feel awful because it wasn’t always like this and I know it’s frustrating to him too. He feels as if it’s all his fault, he’s not good enough, and probably that I don’t love him as much. I can’t say that I don’t put some of the blame on him because he was was/is persistent. The constant grabbing and whatnot gets so old. I do suffer from low self esteem, as I have gained at least 20 lbs due to stress and I just feel gross, therefore, I don’t like being touched. I will be up for it once in a GREAT while, but him, it’s constant. It’s an endless battle.

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    • Feel More Better

      Posted on July 11, 2012

      It can be so hard and made all the worse because it’s supposed to be so fun and, well, to feel good.

      A friend once gave us this advice “seek to understand and be understood.” We offer it to you in the hope that maybe it can help. XO, FMB

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