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WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND?

Taking Matters Into My Own Hands

5 comments | February 7th, 2012

(submitted by Cee Dee in response to Prescribing Pleasure: 1.7.11, now on OOC Replay)

There's nothing about this story, originally a comment to another, that we do not love.  We love its candor, its comfort, and the author's unhesitating willingness to speak her truth and share her story.  Here it is:

Okay, our body is about the ONLY place we as women still have total and complete control.  We decide if we are going to have an abortion or bring a life into this world.  We can nourish a child with our breast milk or not.  We can also manipulate our clitoris into some kind orgasm – be it big or small.  To hand over this last bit of sexual power to a man is just about as depressing as not ever having felt the magic of an orgasm.

Honestly, i didn’t have an orgasm (with a man) until i was 41. i have been having sex since i was 19. The ONLY reason i had THAT orgasm was because I masturbated during sex with my partner. I can only count 1 time that i have had an orgasm without the aid of my fingers doing the walking for me.  I know my lack of orgasm (with a man) was a direct link to my insecurities and embarrassment of needing to let go of all inhibitions in order to achieve said orgasm. I felt that the pleasuring part of sex made me slutty or made me seem too advanced and men wanted to feel as if I was coming to their bed for the first time.  Therefore, i’d act accordingly and be timid.  Oh, I can fake an orgasm like nobody’s business but the work that it takes to actually get me there is on a porn star level, and that is just not lady-like; at least it wasn’t back then.  Since the first and ever after, I have taken control of my body and have no problem showing my wares and ability to reach that great 'o' in the sky with or without “his” involvement.

All that backstory is to say that I think the drug industry is taking advantage of insecure, timid women who for whatever reasons – psychological and/or emotional – are not able to let go and reach their orgasm.  And I put the emphasis on "their."  I reached mine when I was ready…when I was with a man I felt at ease with.  I felt beautiful and safe and secure and knew I could do what I pleased (pun intended).  Yes, there may also be some physical reasons why some women can not achieve the 'o' but it’s still, in my mind, a matter of finding the right angle or position or finger(s) that will get you there.  The more work you put in, the more advanced you seem and become and therein lies the catch 22.  Too timid to do what it takes and so the, “I must not be able to have an orgasm organically” syndrome sets in.

A drug is not going to help you reach the pinnacle.  A wire in your back is just medieval.  Come on ladies, a wire in your back?  Does that not smell of puppetry? Cut the strings (wires) and take control of your body.  Do it for you.

To paraphrase En Vogue from the early 90s, “Free your mind and your [orgasm] will follow."  {end story}

What do you think?

5 comments

  • Ella

    Posted on January 7, 2011

    Honestly Cee Dee, I understand your point about orgasms being mental and that if us women just get out of our heads and forget our insecurities, we’ll all have the big O; but to be frank, if that means having to wait until 41 to do so, then I say NO THANK YOU.

    An orgasm is an orgasm regardless if I got there via “freeing my mind” or via taking a little pink pill. And if with the pink pill I get there 10yrs earlier and as often as I like then Bring. It. On.

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  • OOC

    Posted on January 7, 2011

    Ella, Ella, Ella. We like how you think. XO, OOC

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  • cee dee

    Posted on January 8, 2011

    yo, ella. i hear you. i think part of the point i was trying to make was lost. i am by no means encouraging or suggesting women wait until they’re 41. that was my case. my hope is that my story will encourage women to realize sooner than later that they have the whole world in their hands. NOW. TODAY. letting go is a choice.
    can i ask a passive-aggressive question? do you think the little pink pill will give you not only the medicinal where with all but also the psychological kick in the pants to git’cher, git’cher, git’cher, git’cher freak on? my fear is the pill is come kind of placebo that may bring extra added blood flow to the clitoris but not so much else. i mean, Viagra makes a man hard but it doesn’t make him a better lover.
    i just think the pills are a crutch that they further take away our power to figure this very personal and individual issue out on our own. but one woman’s crutch is another woman’s comfort.

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  • cee dee

    Posted on January 8, 2011

    CORRECTION: my fear is the pill is SOME kind of placebo not COME kind of placebo – though, now i see that kinda works, too.

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  • OOC

    Posted on January 8, 2011

    That’s a really interesting question. I think we end up where you do (get it?, whatever works – works. And if it’s working does it matter why? What do you think? As ever, XO, OOC

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