Why Can’t Women Sleep Around?
20 comments | March 13th, 2012
(story submitted by KSE, a Chestist)
This writer's wondering why her BF has a problem with the number of guys she's been with. Here's her story:
I've been with a lot of guys. Not hundreds but a lot. I like sex and I like men and I like having sex with men. I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years. He hasn't slept with that many women and I think it freaks him out that I've had so much more sex and so many more partners than he has. Isn't that so sexist of him? His being all freaked out about my past make me wonder if we can have a future. If the situations were reversed, and he'd had slept with a lot more people than me, he wouldn't think twice and wouldn't expect me to either. It's 2012. Why can't women sleep around and have it be as much of a no-biggie as when guys do?
We agree @OOC HQ agree…there's still this cultural double standard about women and sex that doesn't exist for men. You agree or disagree? Why do you think the double standard still exists If you think it does, of course). Sex and the modern girl…have at it.
K.
Posted on March 13, 2012
Who says women can’t sleep around?! I have been for years
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Anonymous
Posted on March 13, 2012
There’s still a clear and distinct separation in what’s considered appropriate sexual behavior for men and women.
In my opinion, a lot of it toes back to the “boys will be boys” thinking of so many people (sometimes me included). It just perpetuates behavioral stereotypes.
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OOC
Posted on March 13, 2012
Thanks, Anonymous…you think there will ever be a time when “girls will get to “be boys” too in this context?
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Stef
Posted on March 13, 2012
I think you should lose this dude. He’s judging you for doing what you want to do. How’s that a good relationship? Sorry. I do not mean to be insensitive.
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Michelle T.
Posted on March 13, 2012
I can count my “lovers” on my fingers (and one foot, maybe
) My BFF is like Samantha from Sex and the City. Her life has been one one night stand to another. Sometimes she says she wants to settle down, and find the “one”. She loves her career too much. I found my “one” and as happy as I am about that, there are times when I wish I had the experiences she has.
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OOC
Posted on March 15, 2012
What experiences do you think maybe your missing, Michelle? Specifics or more about just getting to know different people in different ways?
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Aimee
Posted on March 13, 2012
Well, it used to be that we were called sluts if we slept around. Now we get called sluts (on national radio, no less!) if we don’t sleep around and need birth control for medical reasons. Either way there are some people that want to label women that way.
I don’t think any modern man should have a problem with this. As long as you’re not sleeping around on him, what’s the big deal?
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Nicole
Posted on March 13, 2012
when i was younger – college and mid-twenties – i did sleep around and made no excuses for it. i can’t stand the double standard – men are glorified for sleeping around and women are whores for it. just another societal “rule” that has been pounded into our culture for years and years and needs to end……
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Emmie
Posted on March 13, 2012
The double standard sucks, I’ve encountered it funnily enough not with my boyfriend or ex husband but with my guy friends. They can and do bring up their sex lives but if I say anything about mine they get all “lalala I can’t hear you” which depending o my mood I find amusing or annoying. All that to say I feel your pain.
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UoM Blog
Posted on April 28, 2013
It’s not a double standard. Women and men are biologically different.
ou hear it all the time from people who are getting shafted by reality. “It’s so UNFAIR that guys get to do X with impunity while girls doing X suffer social stigma.” They think by bitching like this and attempting to shame those who would live in harmony with double standards they can alter people’s behavior into something more to their liking (i.e., a non-status driven, non-materialistic, non-craven utopia of perfect loving LTRs where no one is left out and no one gets dumped and everyone has a soulmate and enough positive life-affirming experiences to share with their yenta friends in recipe-swapping blogs devoted to covering the fascinating minutiae of their funny, exciting, sexy, touching, poignant, growth-oriented lives.)
Then there are those who, when called out on their inconsistencies, deploy a swarm of sophistry intended to obfuscate and deny the existence of double standards because they are beneficiaries of them. Acknowledging these truths would mean coming to terms with the fact that they, like everyone else, have at their core an animal nature.
Fuck that noize. The truth of the matter is that double standards are necessary if you want to be halfway competent in your dealings with men and women. As the author of “Looking Out for #1″ and “Winning Through Intimidation” wrote:
If you deny reality it will automatically work against you.*
Double standards are fixed features of life as a sexually reproducing social organism. The modern career woman is miserable because she is constantly locking horns with men who won’t value her for her career achievement as much as for her hourglass figure and bedroom skills, while these same men admire and respect career dominance by other men. Her refusal to come to grips with this essential double standard explains why so many hard-charging women have turned their backs on their own femininity and lost the art of female coquettishness and submissiveness. Alpha men have responded by fucking and leaving these domineering gender impostors for cute waitresses. Betas have responded in their own way — by assuming the doormat position and giving these feminists *exactly* what they claim they want.
The same goes for sluts. A man who sleeps with many women gets high fives from his buddies and sexual interest from girls who can’t help their burning loins. But girls who sleep around are socially ostracized, used by men and shunned by women. It has always been and it will always be as long as a woman has 400 eggs to a man’s nearly infinite number of sperm. Parents will treat their sons and daughters differently when dispensing advice on how to deal with the opposite sex and all the harpies with their multiple humanities degrees shrieking equalist platitudes to the high heavens will never change this. It’s one thing to bloviate from a comfy tenured perch while your lesbian lover sucks ben wa balls out of your cooch from under the desk; it’s quite another to entrust the welfare of your children with the twisted lies of the Bitterati.
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Meagan
Posted on March 26, 2012
I have always been a woman completely against double standards! Even when I was a teenager. I feel we are coming to a point in time where women are learning to rebel against society and its standards. My motto has always been “Who is society to judge me!” Women need sex and satisfaction just as much if not more than men. Theres nothing wrong with wanting casual associations with no strings attatched.
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Anonymous
Posted on August 27, 2012
Major double standard! All of my female friends who have numbers 20, 30+ have all lied to their partners. Actually I noticed that they only count their ‘serious’ relationships. So my friend who is around 25 has told her bf that he is #6. It annoys me that guys assume that if you have slept with anymore than a handful of men, you’re a ‘slut.’ YET they want confidence in the bedroom… Seriously, have they ever put the two together?
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Anonymous
Posted on September 22, 2012
Women are more conservative than men with sex and drinking and eating. I can’t Imange why so many are democrats because it goes against all reason and all values that women hold true. Women want a relationship and a companion and freedom and security maybe that’s why they want a government security blanket. Guys should be the ones voting for more food stamps and unemployment for life. this is a man-session and the social fabric is coming off the American dream, its every man or woman for themself yes this will increase sexual behavior, drinking, risky and volugre ways nd will create more women that act like men and more men that depend on our system for support. Don’t you just love liberalism it will erase 3000 years of modern culture and stand all our hopes on end for good.
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Dr. Stein
Posted on November 10, 2012
There is a simple answer to your question, and it goes back to the very begining. Men are bred to try to reproduce with as many women as possible, to keep the species going. Women, were/are hardwired to look for the “right” man, one who was not only strong, but a could provide and protect the family. We see it all the time with strong leaders and wealthy men doing well with women young and old. We also see this behaviour in the animal kingdom, and we are animals. Women who sleep around are viewed in the subconcious, as something being wrong with them. Right or wrong, we are trying to undo thousands of years of hardwiring in both species, over the past 50 years. It won’t be undone anytime soon, and maybe never. People have become very spoiled over the past few decades. They want all the expierence with none of the consequence. If you like to sleep around, you should look into having an open relationship with someone(swinging), and enjoy someone who is not hung up on what you are all complaining about.
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UoM Blog
Posted on April 28, 2013
True, women are hypergamous, they seek the highest value male to plant their seed within them and produce offspring where as men are hardwired to spread their seed.
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Alex
Posted on March 12, 2013
Who says they can’t? Women can and have numerous times. The difference is, women seem to be attracted to men who have slept around and have experience, while the guy who hasn’t had any experience with sex isn’t really valued by women. Women are a lot like jobs; once you had one, it’s easier to get another one because you have experience — but if you never had one, it’s hard to get job.
On the other hand, men’s perspective is drastically different than women. Men view women like items. They don’t want shoes that has been worn by many, they want a new pair of Jordan shoes that hasn’t been worn by anyone. It’s the same with women, nobody wants sloppy seconds, best ones are virgins. Women who slept around are less valuable, nobody cares about rented bowling shoes who has been worn by everyone.
Unfortunately, it is man’s nature, much like trying to change a heterosexual guy to like other men, and forcing a homosexual guy to like women. A man who doesn’t agree with this, probably has a current girlfriend or a wife that had slept around in the past — while deep down, he wishes he would be her first.
Is it sort of a double standard? Yeah it is, but men and women in our society made it this way. Men are not the only ones who call women sluts, women are just as guilty to label other women as such. In fact, I think they do it more often than men.
When women lie about sleeping around, it isn’t to protect the guy’s ego, it’s to protect their own value.
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Alex
Posted on March 12, 2013
Sorry about my awful grammar, didn’t have time to reread over it — plus it’s late.
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Anonymous
Posted on April 9, 2013
women can sleep around – most simply won’t be respected through. why SHOULDN’T women sleep around like guys have? for a couple of reasons:
1) women are as risk of more things than guys (such as simple complications)
2) the glaring risk of pregnancy is obviously disproportionate
3) the respect issue i mentioned earlier
why aren’t mean looked negatively upon for being promiscuous or have a ton of partners? common sense really. there is literally ZERO challenged to a woman gain a ton of partners. he’s EASY. very easy in fact. so there’s literally nothing to praise. this isn’t the case for men. it’s still kinda shallow, but the fact is that there’s an accomplishment men can feel from this because it’s not nearly so EASY – especially for the “average” guy.
another way to understand is the saying “a key that can unlock all locks is an amazing, valued key. a lock that can be unlocked by any key (or many keys) is a worthless lock”
another factor is that men have typically been REQUIRED to have actual bedroom experience… required to have this BY WOMEN. there’s only one way they acquire such experience. you disagree? nonsense – women didn’t state this requirement, their actions proved it (dissatisfaction with the act of sex itself leading up to divorce is common for women, not men).
the list goes on… men and women aren’t the same nor equal in this regard. they never have been, and never will be, for various reasons. there’s so many ways to prove this that it’s sad.
remove the idea of it’s modern times so women should have similar numbers of different sexual partners. i can assure you the acceptance you think there is or should be, is an impossibility – generally speaking… and the only thing people try to do is force others to be silent about their distaste of women being so “out there”
and before trying to be as out there as men, why not hold a better/higher standard for men not to have a ton of partners? the current behavior towards supposed “equality” makes women look incredibly hypocritical for the years and years of chastising men for it, simply because it wasn’t socially acceptable for a woman to be promiscuous. hypocritical and envious. which only makes respect drop that much more.
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UoM Blog
Posted on April 28, 2013
Exactly, nobody wants to pay full price for heavily used goods. The more partners women go through the more damaged they are, hopping from penis to penis for a woman is a lot more damaging that it is for a man, but eh nowadays we have women commending sleeping around and living the sex and the city lifestyle. They mainly end up marrying down or battling spinsterhood. Nature is a powerful thing, and you’ll always lose if you go against it.
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UoM Blog
Posted on April 28, 2013
Women are the gate keepers of sex, for a woman to sleep around it takes no effort, men are the gate keepers of commitment. It’s a traditional gender role, hence when men sleep around its commended as it takes more effort than what it does for women.
Everyone has the right to evaluate their partner, and to be honest with you sexual pasts can be something that bothers them. I mean, rationalise and reframe it any way you want but there’s research out there indicating the more men a woman sleeps with the higher cheating risk she is. We all know that the more penises a woman has had within her means the less likely that one penis will satisfy her. Of course men are allowed to evaluate you before committing.
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