Smacked In The Inner Eye
(story submitted by Leona Mizrahi, a chestist)
Before I got married, I thought I knew everything about spirituality and manifestation. Hoisting my self-realization flag in my late 20’s allowed me to manifest all of my sugar coated desires in my early 30’s: my job, my man, my marriage, and our home without a white picket fence.
Surprisingly at 31, I began to feel a spiritual buzz kill. I was disconnected from myself. My inner peace dulled. I was emotionally paralyzed. In moments of despair all of the tools that once cured moments of frustration as a single girl, no longer worked for me as a married young woman. Um, not happily ever after? Ultimate confusion set in.
My debut spiritual journey taught me to ditch toxic relationships and behaviors, meditate to clarity, and allow life to unfold. I had done ‘the work’. Life was unfolding… but my spark was diminishing. What the what!?
Seeking to reignite my spark, I allowed my marriage to become the ultimate mirror. The revelation: I still had un-holy hang ups. Which is when I got smacked in my inner eye with the self-help stick, even after reading books on enlightenment, venturing on personal growth retreats and OM-ing my way through daily yoga practices.
:: Girl Interrupted::
When I was 23, I desired to walk a different path with less ouches. I mustered up the courage to leave everything I knew. I had total trust in the unknown. I moved to New York City shortly after I graduated college. I was at the right place at the right time. A job opportunity knocked… all the way from the penthouse of Bergdorf Goodman. Que the Jay-Z and Pharrell tune: “I’mma hustlah baybeh”. Think Sex and the City. Clothes, boys, fabulous parties, paparazzi, socialites, gossip, celebrities, cabs, heartbreaks, shoes, dawn patrol duty, and priceless life lessons… did I mention heartbreaks? I worked hard. And played harder. Eventually my bliss shriveled… and so did my bank account. I loved being in an Empire State of Mind, but I grew stale with toxic syndromes. A modern dayGirl Interrupted.
Next stop: Los Angeles – City of Angels. When another job opportunity came knocking I hustled. I knew the drill: Work hard. Play harder. Overly stressed and faux-stoned at 27, I was spiritually bankrupt. So I ‘un-grew up’ and hoisted my self-realization flag. I embraced my unconventional wisdom. I gave up the high paying job title, took a massive pay cut, and ditched looming toxic relationships. I resigned the Sex in any City life. Desiring to heal fully from painful experiences, get off my fat fears and hijack faux complexions, I set out on my debut spiritual journey. Destination: Me. Less over hyped parties, douchy poseurs, and bar tabs worth a months rent.
:: Enlightened Brat ::
I ‘worked’ hard to establish everything in my life in my 20’s and 30’s – spiritually, mentally and physically. During moments of emotional confusion as a newlywed, self-sabotaging thoughts started consuming my mind. “I already did the work – personal development, meditation, retreats, books”. I was an enlightened brat. I could not see beyond the frustration. I came to the raw realization that I was living an airbrushed illusion, even after I’d dedicated so much time to wiping away toxic graffiti from my life. My spiritual journey needed a revolutionary sophomore effort. There would be a second act. This time I would be mining for gold.
:: Upgraded Faith ::
In a holy instant, I realized that my second act wasn’t about me doing more ‘work’ on myself, rather it was an evolution to return to myself. This sophomore effort wasn’t me journeying with a yoga mat, daily affirmations and smoothies. I hungered for grace. I sought vestal salvation. I upgraded my faith.
I learned that the willingness to forgive is essential for igniting my purpose and living with virtuous love. I have a much deeper connection to G-d now. I examined deeper parts of my psyche and past experiences in an effort to correct self-sabotaging behaviors and thought patterns.
I work to attach my thoughts to love and courage at all times. I extract wisdom from my wounds. I make sacred pacts with myself to release airbrushed illusions, by limiting myself to relive past experiences – no matter what faux complexion is trying to cover up my holy complexion.
:: Spark ::
What do faith and muscles have in common? They flex. So, I train my faith muscle. With each flex, clarity and self-realization strengthen. The more I flex my faith and strengthen those muscles, the stronger my behaviors get too. And when your behaviors are aligned with the core of your being, your soul sparks! You ignite a radical reality – one filled with authentic purpose and vestal love. And that friends, is revolutionary!
Returning to myself is an ongoing and deliberate process. With every renewed intention to fully live my purpose and overcome mental fear, I conspire to move forward with expanding love and resolution.
:: Evolution ::
Living a life of purpose takes more than a diet of green smoothies. Feeling fulfilled in relationships takes more than reciting daily affirmations. Manifesting desirable outcomes takes more than a yoga practice. You need spark. You have to take ownership of your life to a deeper level. Yes, I slam green smoothies, recite daily affirmations and flex off in yoga practice but none of that ignites true personal evolution if it isn’t anchored to honest self-realization.
So what about you ~ ever been smacked in your inner eye? (How) are you living a life of purpose? Do tell. Please.
(For more chestisms, go here: http://leonamizrahi.com/)